Christmas 2009

Christmas was great! It was nice to spend it with our family. I love how we can mix the big family gatherings with our own little family time. We are so grateful for the abundance we enjoy.

All Aboard the Taylor Train: We spend Christmas Eve at my parents. We usually start out with some sort of activity-sometimes we do service, sometimes crafts, last year it was Gingerbread houses. This year, each family made a candy train. They were fun to do with the kids. Then we have a nice dinner, followed by a little R&R. The girls usually talk and talk some more, the kids play, the guys...escape, I guess.

Then we move on to the traditional talent show. Always a hit for the kids. Jace decided on doing his back bend this year. Rylee did the splits (not real splits, more like sitting with legs out- Jace helped her extend them further.) My kids also sang Jingle Bells with some of their cousins. It's always fun to see what everyone comes up with. We then exchanged and opened gifts and ended the night with a couple of songs from the chimes.

Jace & Rylee were so excited to see what Santa brought. They didn't really want anything specific, so surprised they were. Thankfully they slept til 8 a.m. That's my kind of morning! We had them wait in the hall while we got the video camera rolling (naturally).


Santa brought Jace a football uniform, Razor Scooter and a remote control car (this was the only thing he actually asked for consistently). He's got his tough guy face on. We gave him a Touch 'N Brush and he loved it! Every time he sees the infomercial, he would tell us that he wants one and never forgot what it was called or the web site to order. He was honestly speechless when he opened it- so classic! He couldn't believe that we would remember to get that for him.

Miss Priss got a fancy lady dress. Total princess-check out her curtsy. She also got a Kitty Keyboard, which has provided hours of fun dancing music. So funny to watch her get her groove on. And the little Cozy Coup you see to the side of her is also hers, but Jaden is in love with it too.

It was our little bubby's first Christmas. He actually loves opening presents, especially gift bags. He was tearing things up as usual on Christmas morning-I think he quite enjoyed himself.

Here he is getting a ride in his wagon. He just loves to play with the big kids. It was so cute because they would get in the car and then pull Jaden in his wagon behind. It was their own little Christmas parade. Jaden just grinned as they went round and around the island.

Kids really do make Christmas. Well....and my husband doesn't do too bad either. Jus pulled out another big surprise this year by getting us a new dining table. I can't believe I haven't taken a picture of it yet...but I will. Jus scored too with some new golf clubs.

Christmas afternoon we went out to Justin's parents for a nice Christmas lunch and hung out there for the rest of the night. We did the Taylor family party on New Years Day.

From our house to yours.....

Hope you had a great Christmas!

Don't be offended if you didn't receive a real card. I way underestimated how many I needed to get printed and since I was a little late getting things in order this year, I was lucky to get what I had printed mailed out before Christmas.

So...here it is!

{My SIL Tasha did our pictures & designed the card. Good job Tash-we love them.}

Jaden: The Little Prodigy

Check it out!

We've got a little prodigy on our hands. Jaden walked before he was 9 months old, now surprised us with his flute skills before he's even 10 months!

What's next? Algebra?

(P.S Don't mind my mommy voice on the video-sometimes I wish silent movies were still the thing.)

Kids & Christmas

Life with kids can be interesting.

They like to jump all over the bed after I just make it...

They basically undo everything I get done.

They mutilate small porcelain village people.....

I've been doing Superglue surgery all week on these guys.

But...they make Christmas special and magical. They love getting the Christmas stuff out and experiencing the wonderment of it all. I love how it's special because it's only out once a year.

I have a Christmas Village that I put up each year, but was considering just not worrying about this year. But I decided that I had to because Jace loves it and looks forward to it each year. After getting it out I even ended up waiting a day to put it up because Jace was having so much fun with them set up on the floor. He knows each little house: the Ski Lodge, the 2 flower shops, the police station, the five & Dime (which he calls the DI) and our new fire station we got last year. I've decided that it's really more for them than me now, so I tend to not get too upset if we end up with a few headless, armless, legless village guys.

I love Christmas time. The fun traditions, giving, sharing- all of it!

This year we shared a little message and treat with our neighbors. We made pretzel hugs, which we love & are so easy for kids to help with. Then we shared a Stories of Jesus advent from the children's Friend. If you're interested here's the link:

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=8361e3ec0bfcd110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=21bc9fbee98db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas!

Full of Thanks

It's been a hard year. We've basically been on the "needy" list. Therefore, my heart is very full of thanks for so many who have helped us, served us, prayed for us and loved us. This Thanksgiving I wanted to record a few examples of unbelievable love and kindness given to our family. So many wonderful people have touched our lives this year.

One thing I've realized is that sometimes you have to lose some things to really realize how much you have. Ironic, but true. We have much to be grateful for.

So thankful for....

A strong support system: You know how some people wonder who would come to their funeral if they died? Well, having a tragedy in your family answers a similar question. Right after Rylee was diagnosed, we sent an email out to friends/family as a way to eliminate having to talk on the phone individually to everyone. I remember by the following day, I had something like 65 emails in my inbox (and that was just the first day, several followed later). Friends had forwarded it to friends, family forwarded it to family, Justin's co-workers were informed, neighbors passed it along and this amazing ripple effect happened. I completely broke down and was so overwhelmed by the outpouring of love we received. It totally gave me strength to realize how many people cared for us and were there willing to help in any way. We had people offering their homes to stay at, cars to use, food to be brought in, some sent scripture references for comfort, others offered names/resources of people they knew that went through something similar. I have saved and completely cherish these emails.

Our Blog: I know some people think blogs are stupid, but for me, it has been a great way to document our journey and share our experience with others. It's been completely therapeutic for me as well. I am sincerely thankful to all of our blog readers. You have been so supportive and encouraging. I appreciate your interest, concern and all of your kind comments. They have really kept me going and helped a lot on the hard days. I know at times it's been a little heavy, but thank you for letting me share.

Faith: I am eternally thankful for those who have kept our names in the temples and Rylee and our family in your prayers. There's just no way to describe the feeling of knowing that so many people are hoping, wishing and praying for the things that you so deeply desire in your heart. I've had strangers tell me that they have fasted on our behalf and others say that their testimonies have been strengthened through our experience. That's incredible to be a part of. It was so cute one day at church. Jace's little buddy came up to him and asked him how his sister was doing, then proceeded to tell Jace that his family has been praying for her. A couple other little neighbor girls also include Rylee in every prayer. How sweet.

Unexpected Service: I guess that some service is kind of expected-like people bringing you dinner after you have a baby or something. Not that I don't appreciate all of the "typical" service, because I really do. But... the unexpected service really sticks out to me, maybe because I'm one of those people who sit there and think that I want to do something for someone, yet can't really think what to do or wait awhile to act on it. One example of this is how many care packages we received. Within 48 hours after Rylee was diagnosed, we had care packages delivered to our hospital room. I was blown away by how many people were so thoughtful to organize this. Not only did they have to shop for the stuff, they did it immediately, found the address to Primary Children's and sent it priority. These were so special to our kids and made us feel so loved. Another cool thing was unexpected visitors. Friends, family, co-workers and acquaintances who lived in SLC or were visiting the area who stopped in to say they had heard about Rylee and were thinking of us. For instance, a lady from our ward came by to visit. I vaguely recognized her, but had no idea what her name was. She said she was in Salt Lake, had heard about Rylee & wanted to bring something by. It was a darling book. She stayed for only a few minutes, but her simple act of kindness will always be remembered by me. It touched me that she was willing to go out of her way for some people that she didn't even know and who didn't know her. We've also been the recipients of several nice quilts that were made by strangers. Last year, our Dr.'s office handed me 3 quilts: One for Jace, Rylee and a baby blanket for Jaden (who wasn't yet born). They said they were made for us by the wife of a former patient who had recently died of cancer. She wanted to give back in some way and selected our family.

Good Medical Professionals: Boy, I've had enough run-ins with bad ones to really appreciate the good ones. I cannot say enough how blessed we are to have Dr. Hancock in our area. I'm so thankful for his qualifications, his hard work academically and professionally and for his consideration to our family. He is a father of young children himself and really does have a special relationship with Rylee (because he has a daughter a few months younger, so he is very relatable to her). She trusts him and I must say that I have added trust in him because he holds the priesthood. It's something you don't really think about, but when you're putting your child's life into the hands and care of someone else, you start caring about them using the guidance of a higher power. His staff and nurses are wonderful and have become a family to us. They converted one of their rooms into a pediatric room full of toys, books, little table, etc. and always have a doll, candy, juice and other treats to offer Rylee. They really do go above & beyond, which has eased our burden.

Thoughtful Friends: I just can't believe what some people are willing to do for you. Shortly after Rylee's diagnosis, two of my cute friends/neighbors went door to door and sold cookie dough to benefit our family. I about died when I heard that they had done this. For the past year, another friend/neighbor/ visiting teacher has been working on a book that she has written about Rylee and it's almost finished. Rylee's diagnosis really effected her. She said she sat down one night and was just inspired to write this book based on Rylee. She said it just all came together. She had a friend who's son had cancer, so she had a frame of reference for what these kids go through, etc. and just started writing. She then recruited an artist from the college to illustrate it who has donated her time and talents towards this book. They borrowed some pictures and all the illustrations are a character form of Rylee. I haven't read the whole thing because I want to be surprised by the final outcome, but the book is basically a light-hearted take on Leukemia. It's a story of a mom who has to tell her young daughter that she has Leukemia, but because of the girls age, she mis-interprets Leukemia and thinks her mom is telling her about a guy named Lou Kemia and this journey that he goes through or something to that effect. It's really cute because it's all rhymey and stuff. I've only been given a proof of the first page but it reads:

"Hi! I'm Rylee. And I am almost two. Something weird is going on, and I don't know what to do. Everyone is talking all around me, never to my face. I had to leave my home behind, and come to this strange new place. "

Anyways...I'm so excited to see it. She has put so much time, effort and energy into this & I am just so thankful. It will be a treasure for our family.

I've certainly learned that charity never faileth. We have been touched by so many generous people and have become very aware of all that we have to be thankful for. Between Rylee's cancer, a new baby, my dad's accident and just all the added stuff that comes with each of those it's definitely been a trying year, yet one that we have felt most blessed. I'm so grateful for the blessings that Rylee has received in terms of her body responding to and tolerating treatment. I'm so grateful that my dad's life was spared in his horrible accident and that we were given a beautiful blessing of a healthy baby boy who has brought love, life and added exhaustion into our lives-he really has kept us going and brought a new light into our home.

Pres. Faust once spoke on this very concept: "Out of the refiner’s fire can come a glorious deliverance. It can be a noble and lasting rebirth. The price to become acquainted with God will have been paid. There can come a sacred peace. There will be a reawakening of dormant, inner resources. A comfortable cloak of righteousness will be drawn around us to protect us and to keep us warm spiritually. Self-pity will vanish as our blessings are counted. The blessings of eternity will surely come to those who endure refining, as the Lord Himself taught: “He only is saved who endureth unto the end.”

Things were so different this time last year. We didn't know where this road would lead us. We didn't know what to expect day to day, let alone a year from then & now we are here. This past month I have been thinking how normal life feels right now. We've returned to a mostly normal pace-back in the swing of things. We are past the isolation and germaphobe state, we're old pro's at chemo/treatment and we can see a light at the end of this tunnel. Next year at this time Rylee will be at the end of her treatments. We are 5 spinal taps, numerous home meds and 13 hits of chemo away from having cancer be something of our past (cross our fingers, knock on wood, pray, hope, wish etc.). For that....we are so thankful.

Enjoy your feast!

This Just In....

It's amazing! This little stink (Jaden) isn't even nine months old yet & has already started taking steps. He has taken up to 5 at once so far, falls down and then is right back up & at 'em.

He is so tiny, but full of ENERGY- it exhausting and hilarious at the same time. He's a little charmer and full of it. He likes to be in on the action & doesn't want to be left behind. He's got the cutest little grin, yet he's so intense. He's been able to stand independently for awhile now, so it's no surprise that's he's getting the walking thing down so quick. He is hands down my hardest child, but you just can't help but love the little dude. Sometimes I feel like I'm at the end of my rope with him & he'll just start laughing or have the biggest grin on his face as I'm trying to lecture him or play hard ball with him. Makes me remember to just appreciate him & hope that I'll be able to channel all that energy in the right direction. He'll be a go-getter, that's for sure. And probably an athlete too- he's so aggressive & already loves to wrestle/tackle the kids-it's so funny for his age.

I like to pull out the old "Be aggressive" chant on him every now & again.

B-E-AGG-RESSIVE, Aggressive...Be, Be Aggressive (clap, clap, clap)

Viva Las Vegas!

Justin & I just returned from a sinless get away to sin city. Jus had a few continuing education courses there, so we mixed business with a little bit of pleasure. Here's a look at our Vegas vacation.

We stayed at the beautiful Venetian. Definitely a classier part of the strip. I love the architecture and details of that hotel-it's amazing. All the major Vegas hotels are so cool-love the detail, style, themes and originality-they go all out. We were spoiled & got to stay in one of the suites. Must say livin' the suite life isn't so bad.

At the Luxor, they had the Bodies exhibit, which I had heard a lot about, so I was excited to get a chance to go. It was cool- a complete look through the human body and I mean complete. The way they preserved the cadavers was awesome. It was very intriguing and educational. My favorite part was the baby/fetal section- it had views of fetuses at every stage. I couldn't believe all that was visibly developed by 8 weeks. Very cool if you ever get a chance to see it.

Then, we met up with our good friends Ryan and Becca Nelson, who live in Vegas. They met us for dinner and the show Ka. I think I liked Mystere better, but Cirque Du Soleil is always cool.

Throw in some shopping (Yay! I was finally able to add a few things to my wardrobe- I swear it's been a few years since that's happened), some delightful food like this yummy indulgence from a cute place called Serendipity (I wish what you ate in Vegas, stayed in Vegas) & it makes for a great trip!

Reflections at a year....Trust in the Lord

"Everybody in this life has their challenges and difficulties. That is part of our mortal test. The reason for some of these trials cannot be readily understood except on the basis of faith and hope because there is often a larger purpose which we do not always understand. Peace comes through hope. We are all subject to sorrow and suffering, to disease and death. Through times good and bad, the Lord expects each of us to endure to the end."

{Russell M. Nelson}

Too often, I think we excuse the miracles and blessings in our lives as coincidence. One of the most incredible experiences we've had during this cancer saga is the realization of how much the Lord is present in our lives. I cannot deny this and never want our family to forget the blessings we've received in the midst of our trial. Even though I wondered if the blog was the most appropriate place for this, I've decided that this needs to be recorded to help us remember that there was something else, something very special, that helped us through this all.

Sometimes life is just about going through the motions. We run from place to place, task to task...wondering what's the point in any of it. However, there are also times when you are stopped in your tracks and truly realize that this life is all part of a plan. Each plan is individual and unique and you are shown the Lord's hand in your life, leading and guiding you down the path that was meant for you. If there is one thing that I could say without a doubt, it's that the Lord works in mysterious ways. He was definitely preparing us for this, for several years really. As I run through the events and details from the beginning of this journey and look back at how the groundwork was being set long ago, I stand all amazed.

This is a little hard to convey in writing, so I'm going to try to break these special experiences/ impressions/blessings up into sections. (P.S. Pictures aren't specific to anything, just random family pictures.)

Oregon Trip:
There were several things that happened prior to Rylee's diagnosis that was preparing me for what was ahead.

• I had had several thoughts about change and expecting the unexpected in my head (look at my blog posts right before diagnosis).


• The weekend before Rylee was diagnosed, we had been in Oregon for Greg's (Justin's brother) wedding. Usually I'm more than up for a little get-away, but there was something telling me that we just needed to go for the wedding and get right back home (considering Rylee's condition, it could have been very devastating if we had extended our stay).


• At Greg & Hailey's wedding, the sealer talked much about how there is no such thing as coincidence-everything happens for a reason, we are led where we need to be, to meet the people we need to meet, etc. The truth of this really touched me and stuck with me. I have since pinpointed many of these so-called "coincidences" than indeed did not just happen by chance.


• One of the more unbelievable aspects of this trip was when Jus & I were driving home. Our kids had been staying at my parents and Rylee did not feel well when we left and was still quite sick while we were away. After talking to my mom on our drive home & her telling me that Rylee wasn't looking so great, I told Justin that I wasn't really looking forward to getting back, because I knew we'd have a big undertaking with Rylee. I said that it worries me because she had been really pale, which means something with the blood, which is probably going to end up being something like Leukemia. Justin of course said that I always expect the worse and that it wasn't going to be Leukemia. (Hate to say I told you so! Hit that nail on the head- once again, no coincidence:)

Day of Diagnosis:
I've often been asked if I was blind-sighted by the news of Rylee's diagnosis. And well, honestly, not really. Like I said, I know I was being prepared. Even when we first got to the ER, the on call pediatrician told us that he didn't think it was leukemia. I didn't get my hopes up, I knew that it probably was. There are so many things that happened that day leading up to the actual diagnosis that did not happen by chance.

• It was one of those days where everything got accomplished (which is very rare most days). Jace was gone to preschool, Rylee was for her nap and I was able to get things in order. It was a tender mercy.


• I remember earlier in the day getting an impression. I was told, "If I didn't give you everything at once, you'd have too much time to worry about one thing." I had been cleaning and such and remember feeling that I needed to get in the shower and get ready for the day (and a very long night ahead of me).


• Later that afternoon, I took Rylee to the Dr. Our favorite (and more trusted) Dr. just so happened to be in that day (he's only in about 1 week out of the month and we had already been mis-diagnosed once at this practice) and he knew immediately that Rylee needed further testing. Usually I'm very independent with Dr. visits and stuff with the kids, but, in this instance, I felt like I needed to call Justin and have him come with me to the hospital for lab work, which he did.


• We came home, had dinner and the Dr. called us, telling us to take Rylee to the ER immediately, her blood work did not look good, it could be a number of things, but most likely a virus in the blood stream or something like leukemia. I immediately went in strong, survival mode. I knew this was going to be significant, yet I kept a relatively calm head about everything. I was being comforted, no doubt. Remember that I was pregnant and everything is usually harder when pregnant.


• When we arrived at the ER, it was no coincidence that our next door neighbor ended up being our nurse. She only works a few days a week at night and it just so happened to be the shift that we were there for. She was in the room when Dr. Hancock gave us Rylee's diagnosis and she immediately jumped in. She knew us, she knew our schedule and the things we were involved in. She got phone numbers, made necessary phone calls and took care of us like only a neighbor, not just a nurse, could have. She became my brain and a huge support- telling Justin what to go gather from home, etc. while we waited for life flight. She also prepped me for convincing the life flight crew to allow Justin to come with me. It also just so happened that her family was leaving the next day for Salt Lake and drove our car down for us.


• Also, when we were still at the ER, my visiting teacher just so happened to call my cell phone, just minutes after the diagnosis, not knowing anything was wrong but just to check in with me(it was the last day of the month). My MIL answered my phone, thinking it was a family member or something and told her the news. Like a good visiting teacher should...she immediately contacted the R.S. President, who contacted the Bishop, who called his counselor and were to visit us at the hospital immediately. The R.S. Pres and Bishops wife (my neighbor) met Justin at the house and helped him as he gathered items for our stay at Primary Children's. This all later led to a ward fast (which ward members were called individually since it was General Conference week) and so much other support from our ward. Never underestimate the importance of visiting teaching- a simple phone call on the last day of the month made all the difference to me that night and in weeks to come.

There were other things that just all lined up. My sisters kept Jace and their kids were out of school for spud harvest and teacher inservice, which gave cousins for Jace to play with and keep him occupied. It was also the week of General Conference, which not only gave us wonderful insight and something to do all those hours in the hospital room, it also brought a lot of people to Salt Lake who visited and supported us at the hospital, which meant so much.

The Precursor: Led back to Idaho:
Although there have been many little miracles along the way, probably the biggest one was our move back to Idaho. About 3 years ago, Jus was finishing up his Master's degree, shopping out jobs to decide where we should land. He had a couple offers in Salt Lake, an offer to head up an office in Evanston, WY or take the job with Rudd & Co. in Idaho that Jus applied for basically on a whim, just to see if it could even compete.

Somehow Rudd managed to beat out all other offers. It's probably no secret that I was less than excited to move back to Idaho, but we really couldn't refuse the offer either. All of this is miraculous to me because just about 1.5 years previous, after Jus had finished with his bachelors, he had been offered a job in Idaho, but it didn't even compare to his job in Salt Lake-salary or benefit wise and now an Idaho job was beating out a higher market? Besides the fact that Justin's job has been flexible and so supportive of us, the truth is is that we needed to be in Idaho. I can't even imagine going through this without the support we've had here. If there are three crucial things that have saved us through this it has been 1. our family for their support and help, 2. having a local and reputable pediatric oncologist in our community(who moved to Idaho basically same time as we did) and 3. for the additional insurance assistance we've received as Idaho residents.

One of the social workers at Primary Children's asked us where we were from. After we said Idaho, she said, "You guys are so lucky to be from Idaho. They are one of only two states that offer an insurance assistance program (Katie Beckett-acts as a secondary insurance) for children with certain diseases/conditions." Leukemia happens to be one of the qualified conditions and we just so happened to be from Idaho. (We have been told that many people in our situation end up having to file medical bankruptcy). As soon as she said that, I was humbled and overcome with gratitude. I looked at Justin and told him that was why we needed to be in Idaho & why things worked out as they did. At that moment, everything became very clear to me. This was all part of a plan. We had been prepared. We had been led to where we needed to be, by the people we needed to be with. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways. He has not left us comfortless and with the help we have received, he has not given us more than we can handle. We've been so blessed.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Prov. 3:5–6

"I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs and that heavenly promises are always kept."

{Elder Holland}

Just when you think you have it bad....

....you always find someone who has it worse.

If you had the opportunity to help save a life, would you take it?

Sometimes we just don't get to choose what life hands us. I was just made aware of this cute family who is in a devastating situation. I have known their dad (Jarred Skinner) since about 3rd grade, but lost touch after high school. I was saddened to hear about all that they are facing and wanted to anything I could to help spread the word and encourage support to this family.

One of my friends is hosting an online auction to benefit their family- she's auctioning off one of her beautiful cakes + Katie Wells Photography has donated a photo session to be auctioned off as well. Go to http://www.allishascakes.blogspot.com/ to place a bid. You can also make donations directly (click on the button on the right to learn more).

Here's a little more background on Jarred's kids:

Benson and Claire were born with a rare genetic disease in which their liver produces too much oxalate--called primary hyperoxaluria. Claire's condition has progressed much faster than Benson's. She has been on dialysis since she was 3 months old and is on dialysis 3 hours a day, 6 days a week. She is now on the waiting list to receive a combined kidney/liver transplant. It is expected Benson will eventually need similar transplants. Benson and Clarie are part of the Children's Organ Transplant Association (COTA). This non-profit charity helps children in need of life-saving transplants by organizing volunteers to raise funds for transplant-related expenses. With the cost of a transplant often exceeding $500,000, transplant patients are unable to shoulder the financial burden of such a procedure. Please visit www.cotaforbensonandclaires.com for more information about COTA and Benson and Claire's medical journey. Consider donating even a small amount to help this family through a dual kidney/liver transplant for two children. 100% of all funds raised are used for the kid's transplant-related expenses. Thank you for helping us spread the word and for giving hope to Benson and Claire.

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Most of us cannot even imagine what they must be going through, but I believe more now than ever that if there is something you can do....do it! There's always a little extra somewhere, even if it means doing without something ourselves. Good causes always seem like a good idea, but how often are we active in doing something about it?

I was intrigued by something I heard along these same lines. A guy in my ward, who works in the health care field, shared some information about a study that determined that if everyone in the world followed the law of the fast and donated the money that would have been used for those meals, it would eliminate world hunger. All the proceeds would make up the difference to be able to provide for all. Of course, nothing says it better than a quote can.

We are not put on this earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.

{Jeff Warner}

One year down, 1.25 years to go.....

Well, we did it! Today we have officially survived our first year of cancer. I must say that it feels much better to be where we are right now, than it felt a year ago.

{A look back at Rylee through her first year of cancer. }

It actually feels like the year went by surprisingly fast, yet there were a lot days, some very hard days within that year. It stirs up a lot of deep emotion for me as I reflect back on this past year. Considering where we have been and where we are today, I must say that ultimately, I am just so grateful that we have arrived. So glad to see that year behind us. I really hope that I never have to endure one that like that again.

Last year, when we were in route to Primary Children's, aboard Life Flight, I knew that we were in for it. I looked around... Rylee was laying there, very lethargic with an IV coming out of the top of her head. Two nurses were monitoring her every breath and held a bag of blood on ice, ready to transfuse at any moment in flight ....I realized at that moment that life as we knew it was gone. We still had so many questions and answers and many unknowns, but I knew that this would be a defining moment in our lives, something that would change everything.

{Who said kids don't come with an instruction manual? Kids with cancer do. This is our cancer bible that we were sent home with from PCMC. I've read it cover to cover. If you ever need to do a report, I've got references galore!}

And you know what? It has. Absolutely. The journey has been unexplainable. It's been difficult on so many levels. We lost health, we lost a piece of Rylee, we watched her morph from one thing to the next as effects of chemo, drugs and poor health set in. We've been in and out of hospitals, went from one procedure to the next, from this lab to that appointment, have diligently given some type of medication daily. We've fought several battles, had many inconveniences, a few set backs and have had our hearts broken more than once. We've been sanitized, isolated and had to miss out a time or two. There have been highs, lows, frustrations and tender mercies.

But you know what? It has all been worth it. This is Rylee today. She has grown up on us in the middle of the fight of her life. She was a baby of 18 months at diagnosis and is now a 2.5 year old little lady. She's now in a big girl bed and is learning how to use the potty. When we arrived at Primary Children's we were told that she was lucky to be alive. Her blood counts were at a dangerously low level. That shakes you. When I look at all that we've gone through, no matter what-- it has been worth it. Worth it to have her here with us, worth it to experience these milestones, worth it to hear her laugh and listen to her talk and remind us what life is all about and what really matters.

She's not been feeling great today. She had treatment (spinal tap + chemo) on Monday and she's starting to feel it. She's also a litle emotional from her montly dose of steroids this week. This has all become part of our new normal. But, we'll continue fighting. We'll get her well. I really feel like the worst of it is behind us.

{Wow! Look at all that hair. Thanks $8 Hannah Montana wig}

So..tonight we're going to enjoy a very normal night as a family. Something that we didn't have for much of the year. Today is a celebration. A celebration of our survivor, Rylee. To celebrate what we've gotten through, to celebrate what is behind us, to celebrate what we've learned.

"There is no obstacle too great, no challenge too difficult, if we have faith." (President Gordon B. Hinckley)

{Heads Up: While I've shared much of our journey on our blog, there are several aspects that I feel have been left out. I could honestly write a book about many aspects of our experience, but who has the time to write a book? Certainly not me. Instead, I've decided to share a little more depth of our experience during this month that marks our one year cancer anniversary. This is really more for our family history than anything, as I plan to do a blog book, so I'm sorry if it feels like I'm beating a dead horse. }

General Conference Pack

Hey, if anyone is interested in printing off a conference packet for your kids, let me know and I'll email you one. Our Primary Presidency sent us one that's updated for this next conference. I'm sure there is some way to just add the document right here, but I'm just not that blog savvy.

We've got a crawler...

Jaden just turned 7 months! He started crawling about a week before his 7 month mark(about two weeks ago). He used to get so frustrated about wanting to move. Now he's on the go and keeps us on our toes. He's already crawled off our bed, had a close call down the stairs and crawled to the tub, stood up and fell on the tile floor. I can't keep up with this kid!

He's still a little ball of energy. I'm not kidding when I say he really can't hold still-try holding him. MAJOR wiggle worm! Thankfully his spitting up/fussiness has decreased quite a bit now, but we've still gotta keep the burp rag close after eating. He still loves being held, is not a great sleeper at night, but does pretty good with naps. He is adored, mauled and fought over by Jace and Rylee, which has made him pretty tough. He's a pretty good sport with those two. He's got a cute little giggle and an adorable smile. I love his dimple. He's been babbling and says, "da,da,da,da." He can now sit, stand, crawl and even cruise around the furniture a bit. His life is like a flash in front of my eyes.

Where has 7 months gone?

Slow Dance

I've been in deep thought tonight.

Thinking a lot about cancer(surprise, surprise), thinking about how many lives it affects, wishing they had a cure, wondering why they don't. Did you know there are over 100 different types of cancer? And they are usually caused by one abnormal cell. It's a mystery with so many dependents. The finder for a cure would certainly be heaven sent(besides a multi-billionaire)-it's too complex otherwise.

I stumbled across a blog (a friend of a friend) tonight that told of another family just learning that their 6 year old son was diagnosed with ALL (same as Rylee's- it brought many emotions to the surface), reading about another friend who is in the middle of her battle with cancer, finding out a few months ago of a good friend of mine's mom diagnosed with breast cancer. Then, I started looking down my blog list and realized that many of you have experienced cancer in one way or another. Next month is breast cancer awareness- tonight I wanted to pass along a poem that a friend emailed me awhile ago in tribute to all those who have fought, are fighting or will fight this terrible disease. I'm sure they learned to slow down and realized what life is really all about.

"Slow Dance"

(This is a poem written by a teenager girl with cancer. It was passed along by her doctor.)

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask how are you? Do you hear the reply?When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die cause you never had time to call and say,'Hi'?

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....thrown away.

Life is not a race. Do take it slower. Hear the music...before the song is over.

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I hate to name names, but I was shocked when I realized how many of you have also been affected by cancer (You'll know who you are). And this is just from those who read my blog.

Thinking of:

Amy H.'s father-in-law
Allison's friends
Amy S's mom
Katie C's mom
Jenny J's brother
Hailey's mom
Meagan's sister
Charakie's husband
Audra's brother-in-law
Jillian's mom and mother-in-law
Stephanie W's husband
Nicole's mom
Toni's mom
Katie' E's daughter
Rich's dad and sister
Tiffany S's husband
Vince's sister and wife
Angie herself
Leilani's mom
Tracy's mother-in-law
Sydney's sister
Ardath's husband
Bev's dad
Our families granddaughter, niece and cousin
Jace and Jaden's sister
Mine & Justin's daughter
Rylee herself

Leave a comment if I forgot anyone or if I named anyone wrongly. I think it would be interesting to note what kind of cancer too. Seriously, Race for the Cure!

I'd love to do a post but....

1. Old computer got a virus

2. New computer took awhile to get here.

3. Trying to get familiar with new computer- anyone a fan of the new Word program, how about Vista? Not sure what I think about it. Maybe I should have gotten a Mac? Change takes awhile.

4. All of my pictures, files, life are on the old computer- tyring to figure out how to transfer it over without transfering the stupid virus as well.

5. Have a ton of enrichment stuff that I'm trying to figure out/organize. Speaking of organization- anyone feel qualified to teach a class on organization? Let me know any recommendations from people in this area. Or...I'd love to hear your best organizational tips- the class is on creating a system (homework, mail, housework, kids toys-anything that needs organizing). Or..if you have a picture of something really organized, email it to me for ideas!

6. Life moves at a rapid pace. I always have more to do than gets done.

7. Silver lining is that we have been busy, so updates will be fun once I get to them.

Jace Turns Five!

Happy Birthday Jace!



Five years ago tomorrow (Aug. 30), we welcomed our first son into this world. Amazing how fast it has gone. Jace is growing up so much. We threw him a carnival themed birthday party and invited all of his friends and he had a wonderful day!

Our computer got a virus, so I'm using my SIL's computer, but I'll post more details of his party once our new computer arrives.

We love Jace & and appreciate all of the help he is to us and Rylee and Jaden. He's had to deal with a lot this year and has learned quite a bit about sacrifice, compassion and selflessness. Our family wouldn't be the same without him. He's a great boy & we're lucky to have him.

What's grosser than gross?

It's true...you learn something new every day.

My kids always think that flies are bees. To try to teach them that flies are harmless, I picked out a book on flies at the library. What did we learn? That flies are disgusting and not as harmless as I assumed.

Here's what it said. Gross!

Houseflies lay their eggs in rotting, smelly vegetables or in bad meat. (Yes those little white things headed for the food are fly eggs- YUCK!) Sometimes flies lay their eggs in our food. Female houseflies...come into our kitchens and eat our food. Flies squirt juice onto their food (which is really our food) to make it very soft. The flies then suck the food throught their feeding tubes.

The fly lays hundreds of eggs. After about two days, the eggs hatch into larvae. THe larvaie of many types of flies are often called maggots.

You might want to think twice about leaving food out uncovered or for long periods of time.

Makes me want to throw up.

Cute 'lil Bubby

Here are some cute pictures of Jaden that Tasha took for me. I'll show more off later. He couldn't keep his hands off the grain- he pulled it right out and of course, it went straight to his mouth.

We've still got more shots we want to try out.

It's so fun to have a photographer & nice camera to play around with.

Isn't She Lovely

My SIL Tasha got herself a new camera, so we took Rylee out for her to practice on.

I love how they turned out. Once I get the CD, I'll show more.

Our Lake Powell Get-Away

Since this past year has been like a run-away train for us, we decided that we needed to get away from it all. We needed a break, some time to breath, to think, to rejuvenate, to escape.

Nothing like a week in Lake Powell!

We went June 14-20 with some of our long-time friends:

Chris & Cindy Merrill, Ryan & Becca Nelson and Vince & Angie Byram.

Beautiful Lake Powell-the scenery is amazing there!

The guys- some things never change, they've been friends forever & haven't changed much.

Our group at Rainbow Bridge (all of us plus Ryan & Becca's kids & their babysitters who came along).

Lake Powell in a nutshell:

Reading, lounging, riding the banana, laying out, wake boarding, water skiing, lots of good company, hot weather, tons of yummy food (thanks to Chris & Cindy), boating, that darn tube-scares me to death, water trampoline, jet skiing, baths in the lake, nice house boat accommodations, cards or movies @ night, lots of pictures, some good wipe outs, a small storm & some rain, a fun road trip there and one packed Suburban.

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Of course, nothing is without complication in our life.

We were lucky that we actually ended up even getting there. The weekend we were scheduled to leave, Rylee of course ran a fever. What? We thought we were out of the danger zone? Wishful thinking- she ended up with a 3 day stay in the hospital instead for low counts. She was discharged on the Sunday that we had planned on leaving- after a firm recommendation from her Dr. that we'd be okay to still go, we did just that. A few hours behind schedule, but we still went.

Then.....

We get to St. George where we were staying the first night and 5 minutes from where we were staying, the Suburban (yes, our new one we got for Christmas) suddenly dies. WHAT? It was midnight, we were on the on-ramp of the freeway, everything was closed, we were pulling the boat- which was full of food and everything else, the OnStar diagnostic center was closed, so we weren't sure what the problem even was. We had heard a drop when it stalled, so the guys suspected the transmission, but it would only go in reverse or in low gear. Anyways, to make a long story short- we ended up being able to drive it in low gear to where we were staying and got it in the shop the next day. Thankfully, it was still under warranty- it ended up being the sprag? which is a part of the transmission. Apparently they've had some trouble with this- good to know. Now it's fixed. {Thank you to our St. George life lines that we called way past a respectable hour to help us.} Wouldn't be a road trip if something didn't happen right- you've got to come back with a good story.

And...

A huge, huge thanks to Justin's mom & family and my sister Jennifer, niece McKell & my family who were willing to take on our responsibilities for a week. We're in a difficult position and know that it is no small task.

Despite it all, we had a Good Time!

Five Months Already- Jaden!

Wow! This little dude is growing up on me.

He's got a couple of cool super-human tricks:

Toe sucking

and

Fist in Mouth!

He started on solids this month.

He can hold his own spoon and practically stand up out of the Bumbo chair.

I'm not kidding when I say he is a strong kid- he has strength like you wouldn't believe for his age.

You've got to keep your eye on him.

He also learned how to sit up this month.

Go Jaden!

He will sit and play with a toy on the floor for awhile now. I think he's liking his new view.

He's always alert and looking around at everything and everyone. He has a TON of energy and NEVER holds still. He's always either stiff as a board of as wiggly as a little worm. He's constantly looking, flipping, rolling, kicking, jumping, sucking, grabbing.....you get the point.

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In his 5th month, he went swimming for the first time & loved it.

Loves the water!

And also went to his first drive-in movie.

He wiggled through the first movie, slept through the second.

He also celebrated his first 4th of July.

He spends his time going to soccer games, Dr. appointments, errands or wherever else we shuttle him along to. He usually takes 2 good naps and maybe another cat nap in there as well. He still doesn't sleep through the night and he still spits up a TON! Just call him Pukus.

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I will not lie, he has been a challenging baby. Call it colic, call it fussy, call it stubborn or demanding- whatever it is, it's been difficult. We've exhausted all resources in trying to figure out his tummy issues. These are all (+ one: Enfamil GentleEase) the different formulas we've tried him with so far in his short 5 months of life:

Milk or lactose based stuff definitely gives him really bad tummy aches. I finally threw in the towel with nursing him because he'd get belly aches and just cry in pain for a long time, soy formula still makes him spit up, but is easier on his stomach, we tried Alimentum and he did okay for awhile and then he didn't like it anymore. That stuff stinks too. We've been given a prescription for prevacid as well as two other stuff- none of which seemed to help. I took him to a naturepath and he said that he had an underdeveloped liver and gallbladder. He also suggested that his pancreas wasn't releasing enough enzymes. Whatever that means. We got some homeopathic drops and the verdict is still out on that.

Bottom line is: we're still trying to figure it out. It could be a number of things. Right now he's doing pretty good with Soy Good Start. Meanwhile, making sure we've always got extra clothes and plenty of burp rags with us.

{P.S. if anyone is interested in opened, but hardly used cans of any of these formulas- let me know.}

But, despite it all.....

He's loved... and that's all that matters!