No way....

I heard a little rumor, googled it & found out that it is true....Cafe Rio is coming to Idaho Falls! Looks like it's in this new plaza by the the Teton Spectrum.

My list of "Things I wish Idaho had to offer" just got smaller. We were just in Salt Lake this weekend, eating our beloved Cafe Rio, wondering why it doesn't expand to Idaho- it's a cash cow in Utah. Always busy & always yummy! It's always a sure stop when we go there (along with Nielson's Frozen Custard).

I'm just shocked. I LOVE the pork salad. Bajio doesn't even compare....at all in my opinion. That just made my day. Anyone up for lunch?

What are the chances....

Something that's been on my mind this past week is chances. You know, the chance of something happening or not. I guess it all started with the Hudson River plane crash. As I was watching Larry King's coverage of this, one of the passengers said that he just felt incredibly blessed, essentially that he had been part of a miracle. He said that the chances of surviving a plane crash were slim to none (something like 1 in a billion). I also heard that the co-pilot pointed out to the pilot (after they were rescued) that he was the only pilot to ever pull off a successful "ditch." Seriously, what are the chances that first of all, a flock of birds would cause a plane crash, and second, that all 150 passengers survived? Incredible!

Then all the talk of the upcoming Inauguration caused me to think about the chances of the United States ever having a black President. Whether we like it or not, history is being made. I remember at the first of the elections, I thought what are chances of a minority (a woman, a Mormon or a black person) actually getting elected as president? Now the chance has been given.

We know a little bit about chances...whether they are for or against you. Did you know that only 1 in 29,000 children are diagnosed with ALL (Leukemia)? Believe me, I never thought that the chances of having my child be the one was possible. It's just not something that you ever actually think about happening, I mean really, what are the chances?

This isn't the first time that we've been part of a statistic. When I pregnant with Jace, our ultrasound found Choroid Plexus Cysts on his brain. (Basically these are pockets of cerebral spinal fluid that typically fill in as the pregnancy progresses. They are essentially harmless if that's the case, but on an ultrasound, they can also be indicators of chromosome abnormalities.)We were told that these cysts only occur in about 1% of fetuses, however, about 95% of the time, it turns out to be nothing. As you can imagine, being my first pregnancy and all, I was pretty shocked. "What are the chances that we are the 1%?" I wondered. With some additional testing, all was well, and we fell into the 95% statistic-chances being for us.

So...this week was a week of preparations of sorts for us. First, we got enrolled and set up for the cord blood banking process. We were advised to bank some cord blood of our new baby since we are in the situation that we are in. We were eligible for a free banking service for people in situations such as ours, so we decided to take advantage of the opportunity. What are the chances that we'll ever use the stem cells? We're not sure. We hope that standard/traditional treatment will take care of things, but we want to be prepared just in case.

We also attended a seminar/free dinner put on by the Leukemia and Lymphoma Foundation this week. The topic centered around childhood cancer survivors and re-entry/entry into the education system. They discussed the late-effects (cognitive, phychological, emotional, etc.) of cancer treatments and risk factors, etc. I'm a big believer in becoming educated on what's ahead for us. However, some of what I learned can be disturbing. What are the chances of all or some of these effects actually happening to Rylee? We don't know & could possibly not know for years. That's why they're called late effects. Basically it made me realize that we're really between a rock and a hard spot. If we rejected doing chemo, cancer could overtake her body, spine, central nervous system or brain. If we stick to traditional treatment, the chemo can and most likely will have at least some lasting negative effects. Will Rylee beat all the odds? I guess we'll take our chances.

So here's my take on chances. I don't really think it's as much about chances, as it is about a plan. A divine plan. Full of agency, as well as divine intervention. I guess I don't buy into all the statistics. I believe that anything is possible. If it's possible for 150 passengers to survive a plane crash, if it's possible for a minority to be elected to a prominent position, then it's certainly possible for Rylee to have a successful outcome. That's a chance that I truly hope we'll be blessed to have.

You are special, especially today!

Happy, happy birthday Justin dear! We sure hope you have a great 29th year. If we had one wish, then it would be...A Happy, happy birthday to you from me!

Justin celebrates another year today. What a guy he is: An adoring dad, helpful husband and just an overall good person. So thankful for him!

They Get It!

Monday night means Family Home Evening at our house (or Family Home Meeting as Jace calls it). It kills me just how "into" FHE our kids are. I'll take advantage of it before they loose their excitement for it though. Although I am usually the one who is planning on doing the lesson, it typically gets taken over by the kids.

Tonight was so funny. First, Rylee was in charge of the song. She opens up the Children's song book, we start singing "Happy Family". Rylee's swinging her arm as if to lead, babbling/ shouting/singing her own version as she walks around the room tapping us all on the head-going round and round the room. (Because at Music Makers, which we attended today, we touch the child's head we're saying hello to during the hello song).

I get a few words in, but am quickly upstaged by Jace. Every week before FHE starts, he goes and gathers all of his church books. Including a quiet book, his scriptures and a gospel principles A to Z book that I made when he was a baby. It has actually proven to be quite effective in teaching him stuff about the gospel. Anyway...he passes his scriptures to Justin and tells him he'll have a part later, then says, "Everyone hold up your scriptures if you brought them". Pretty sure he learned that from primary. Then he randomly flips through the gospel principles book and proceeds with his lesson, which was in quiz form. It went something like this:

Jace: "Okay, do we talk loud in the temple or not?" We then answer no.
Jace: "Do we get coffee, I mean, milk or water during the sacrament? Our answer water.
Jace: "Okay, then do we get dog food, cow or horse food or bread? Laughing, we say bread.
Jace: "Do we run all around the room in primary or sit quietly and raise ours hands? He's good, I think to myself. We then answer appropriately.

Anyway...it went on for awhile until he then got silly- telling very made up knock, knock jokes. I then intervene, give the real lesson in a very short amount of time. I'm trying to follow what they'll be doing in Primary this year, so we focused on the first paragraph of the Family Proclamation tonight. I showed some road signs, asked what they were and what would happen if we didn't follow the laws of the road. Talked about how the prophets have also given us laws to follow. Showed our wedding picture- talked about how marriage should be between a man and a woman. Jace thought it was way too funny when I asked, "what if dad would have married a boy, would that be right?" I showed a family picture and we talked about the importance of a family and what makes up a family (or named who was in our family). That's about all I got. We sang "Families Can Be Together", said family prayer and called it a night.

Short & sweet, but it gives you reassurance that they really do get it. Even if it's very little or short, they'll remember it. And it's so funny when they teach it back to you.

Our Bizarre Reality

I tell you what- sometimes I feel like our life is just a little surreal. Rylee had an appointment today & I just started thinking about how funny everything is- this whole experience is bizarre sometimes.

Here's a little taste of what I mean. We walk into the Oncologist office, Rylee waves hi to the ladies at the front desk, they all ooh and ahh over her, know her by name, etc. Typical. Then we proceed to the waiting area where Rylee sits amongst all the other patients, mostly elderly. I think to myself- "she's really experiencing such an adult world/issue." Rylee walks over to the magazine basket- carefully chooses herself a magazine (does this every week), wiggles her way up onto the couch, doesn't even come close to touching the floor, but sits quietly, browsing through her Coping with Cancer magazine. (I've got to get a picture of this because it cracks me up every time.)

Then the nurse calls us back. Rylee knows the whole routine. Stands on the scale independently, sits up to the chair, pulls up her pant leg for them to take her blood pressure, puts out her finger so they can check oxygen levels. Then we go back to see the Dr. She sits patiently as he listens to her lungs, gives her an exam, etc. I think to myself what a blessing her temperment and cooperation is. I can only imagine the nightmare it would be to go through this with certain children. Rylee is not resistent- to treatment, medication, having her blood taken-anything. She's very agreeable & helpful, not to mention brave!

We go back to the treatment room. She pulls her shirt right up for the nurse to take her blood or hook her line up to the chemo, etc. We get many sympathetic remarks or looks either because of how young Rylee is or because I'm pregnant and going through this. I give them a confirmed smile & nod- knowing what they mean. We get even more curious looks- everyone wondering if I, the pregnant lady, is the one with cancer or her, the baby? Who's with who is what you can tell people are asking themselves- both of us seem a little unsuspecting. Talk about the odd couple! We all exchange small talk- talking very candidly about cancer related lingo: hair loss, treatment, diagnosis, ports & central lines, discuss how we found out, life expectancy, etc.
One of the nurses and another patient comment/discuss how "cute" Rylee's chemo IV bag is (because it's so small comparible to adult sizes). "Sure, as cute as a bag full of chemo can be," I think to myself- laughing inside. The juice pumps through Rylee's body, she sips her apple juice, eats her crackers, plays with her dolls or colors or looks at a book or whatever. Then she's all done for now, we call it a day. Until next time.

Just another bizarre day in the life of a nearly 2 year old child with leukemia. Bizarre! That's all I can say.

A Word to Live By

A new year is upon us. Always a reflective time for me- thinking of what has come to pass and what's ahead. This year will be a busy one- one that will certainly bring more defining moments, milestones and new experiences. I'll turn the big 3-0 this year, which feels like a milestone. Hard to believe I'll be as far from 40 as I am from 20. My, my how things have changed from when I was 20. Sad to see those years go. Can't imagine how it will feel to one day reflect back on where I am now, ten years from now. I'll also have my 3rd child this year, see my 2nd child through her first year with cancer and possibly send my 1st child off to Kindergarten. (He's right on the deadline- any advice on whether to send him or hold him back? Still deciding).

So...I've heard of this idea of choosing a "word of the year." A word that essentially you'll live by, strive for, resolve to live up to. Lately I've just been feeling like, "how am I already here?" That life that seemed so far away and now it is here. That point where you realize that it goes by so fast and you wonder where the days, years and moments have gone. So the word I am choosing is CHERISH.

Obviously life has changed for us in some ways. It's definitely put things in perspective for me, helped me re-focus and re-define what is most important in life. I feel that I've already started cherishing things more, because I know how quickly things can change. However, the idea of really cherishing what I have, where I'm at, etc. really hit me a few days ago. While sitting with Rylee through her treatment, I started talking to a lady sitting next to us. She was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2004, then it spread to her bones and now it is throughout her entire body. Her cancer is terminal, she comes and gets chemo weekly, but she knows that it's just a matter of time. I was thinking to myself how it might feel to be in her shoes. Never knowing if this will be your last time to....whatever. (which could be true for any of us) I'm sure that she's cherishing what many of us are just waiting to get over, wishing away and hoping to get past. The idea of "empty yesterdays" that Pres. Monson talked about in conference is exactly what I hope to avoid by my word of the year. I was also inspired by that video that is out there called 99 balloons I think- it's very touching (You Tube it), good examples of parents who cherished what they had instead of dwelling on what was wrong or living in fear.

Part of my goal is to get back into scrapbooking- having them accessible to look at and cherish our memories. I'm also in the works of getting a big picture wall put together for our family room area. I've just been wanting to do more with all of the pictures that I take- I want to display and enjoy them more.

I ran across this paper that I got at some point during college- I think it is so true & a good reminder to cherish our lives.

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, get a good job, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our partner gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire. The truth is, there is no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when?

Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Alfred D. Souza says, "for a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin-real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then my life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

This perspective can help to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment you have. And treasure it more because you shared it with someone, someone special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one.

So stop waiting, until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you decide on a career, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until the end of the semester, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or the fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

So work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one's watching.

Cherish it!

Our Holiday Happenings

{Christmas 2008} Well, what can I say? Our Christmas was all that we could have ever expected- spent time with our families, got more than we really needed and of course, a few unexpected surprises were thrown in to keep it interesting.

What was great about our Christmas: This year, we really tried to keep it simple, tried to have a more Christ-centered Christmas and just tried to relax & enjoy the holiday season more. Throughout the month of December, we did the Stories of Jesus Advent that they had in the Children's Friend. There was a story for each day of the month and it had a scripture reference and picture from the Gospel Art Kit that correlated with each reference. It went over quite well and the kids looked forward to doing it, holding the pictures and learning more about Jesus. I've decided it will become a continued tradition- a good way to remember the reason for the season. We also participated in the Giving Tree that our ward humanitarian specialists do each year with a community group. It was fun for the kids to go and pick something out for a child their age & it was reported that 425 families were helped. That's what it's all about isn't it?

Our kids had a good Christmas. Jace got a new bike- a Spiderman one, which matches his spidey helmet. He also got some fun dress up stuff- like a police officer hat and a cape. Also ended up with some p.j. pants, clothes, a sleeping bag and a keyboard that had a microphone on a stand attached (he wanted a microphone that he didn't have to hold.) Future musician? We'll see.

Rylee got a kitchen set. She loved it & has been busy with it ever since. It's really been fun for both of the kids really- serving up all the teddy bears and dolls and playing restaurant, etc. She also got one of those little snap dolls, some play dishes and food, a little play MP3 player with headphones, a color wonders book with markers and a Fur Real puppy that she can carry around in a little dog purse.

I on the other hand, got quite spoiled. Justin managed to pull off a very big surprise for me this year that I had no idea about. When I opened the last present under the tree, it was a set of keys...to my new Suburban parked in the garage!

What a guy! He had bought it nearly a week before Christmas and had apparently been storing it in Greg & Hailey's garage. So..I'm officially a mom- Suburban and all. We've been feeling major growing pains in the old Honda and we've been needing to upgrade now for quite a while- especially before the baby arrives. He did pretty good I'd say. Luckily, he's enjoying it quite a bit as well so I don't feel so bad about the few shirts he got in comparison.

And the not so good: Unfortunately, we ended up at the Emergency Room on both Christmas Eve and Christmas with Rylee. At least she got another teddy bear out of it. Rylee had been sick for the last few weeks leading up to Christmas. She had a bad cold- runny nose, watery eyes, bad cough that she just could not shake. Her counts were very low and so she wasn't able to get her Chemo treatment as scheduled and they had dropped even more a few days later.

Anyway....long story short, she ended up getting an earache, ran a fever above her protocol level, so a trip to the E.R. was necessary. Luckily, the fever was just a result of the earache, no bacterial infections were found and her counts had gone up a bit so they were able to just give her an antibiotic through her line on both days and we then we were good to go. If her counts wouldn't have gone up she would have had to be admitted because there is different protocol depending on what her levels are. Thankfully they were up enough- what a blessing, definitely our best Christmas gift. It's all part of the complexity of all of this. Very helpless sometimes. Gone are the days where you just give her a little Tylenol or get some Amoxy and you're good. This is the part of the journey that is often difficult- the unexpected things that come up that can't wait and doesn't care that it's Christmas or anything else. But, we just do what we have to do. The antibiotic kicked in, which made her feel better & we were still able to make it to our holiday gatherings without missing much.