Farewell to Hair

Well, the day has come. We knew it would eventually and it has. We're six months in with Rylee's chemo treatments and her hair is basically gone. Last week was the final week. So...Hair we Aren't! (probably not funny to anyone who isn't familiar with the salon Hair We Are in Rexburg.)

Photo taken: April 13 (Approx. 6.5 months into treatment)

Don't worry. Nobody is going to do anything drastic, like shave our heads. It's all good.

{Throughout this post, I'm going to take a trip down hair memory lane.}

Rylee Jane was born with a head-full of dark black hair

Her hair has probably been the subject matter of the majority of questions/comments we get regarding Rylee. People wondering if she had lost it, some surprised by how much she still had, others wondered whether she'd lose it at all. I remember in the first few days as we were learning about the new journey ahead, this was one aspect that both Justin and myself thought would be very difficult. We cried. None of this is easy, but for some reason, the hair thing makes it so obvious. It's like we might as well strap a big neon flashing sign on her that says, "Look! I've got cancer." It's either that or people wondering if we're some militant family raising up a GI Jane.

She had this great head of hair until she was about 6 months old. Then it started to thin as her head grew.

She was always a bow/headband/hat baby. I think she wears them well.

It has been thinning gradually all throughout, but this last week it was literally like hair today, gone tomorrow. I’ve been bracing myself for the day that it would fall out- a little anxious by the uncertainty of it. I wasn’t sure if it would be like a shock- she wakes up one morning and it’s gone suddenly, or if it would fall out in chunks or little by little. I even began to hope that maybe we wouldn’t end up losing it in the end, since she held on to it for so long. Well, the anticipation is over. Now I know. For her, it left kind of like an onion in reverse. Layer by layer from the bottom up. Rylee's also split or broke off, almost like being cinged as opposed to falling out in big chunks. She just has a few straggling pieces on the top layer, which we're debating whether or not to just shave it and finish the job.

Her first official pony tail was at 10 months old. A single front pony.

And two back pony's followed a few days after (once I figured out all I needed was a fine tooth comb and some tiny elastics).

It has actually been easier than I had anticipated. Rylee seems to be okay with it, so I’m okay with it. At first, the mother in me worried that she might miss sitting up on the counter to get her hair done up all cute. I think I miss it more than she does. I was afraid that she might be insecure over it, but she just goes about her business as usual. She seems pretty unphased by the whole thing.

By her first birthday, she was starting to have enough hair to try a few different styles. The front was getting longer.

I've definitely experienced some loss in what might have been. Sometimes I get a little sad when I see other little girls with so much hair. I imagine what I might have done with Rylee’s hair, what she would otherwise look like right now. There are so many cute cuts and ways to fix it. This will all have to come later for us. And I can accept that. I swear all things are relative. I never wanted my two year old to go bald, but all things considered, I'd rather have Rylee than Rylee's hair. I feel the same way about everything else we have endured and dealt with.

She had more hair last Easter than this one. (Top double pony's). We never thought that would happen.

I’m glad that it happened gradually over time. It’s gets you used to the idea. Time has a way of healing and preparing you. I’m also thankful that she had it for as long as she did. In the beginning, they said some kids lose it in the first couple of months and some hold onto it for six months. They said if she kept it for this long, it wouldn’t be gone for long, because it’s able to start growing back in the maintenance phase, which we are now in. I thought it would be gone by Christmas, so having it for as long as she did was a nice bonus for us.

By last summer, we were just getting to the fun stage. I could do low pigtails in the back.
A full back pony with ribbon. High pig tails, which basically became her signature look. I even got to try some fun clips and curls.
And of course the double loop throughs.

Or an easy single paired with a bow. So many options, so little time.

So…it is, what it is. Bald is beautiful! Hats and headbands, here we come! I’m very anxious to see what her second crop of hair will grow back like. They say that it often grows back in a different color or texture. Come what may....and we'll love it!

{And then she was diagnosed with Leukemia and little by little we lost our little crop of hair. Here's a look at the goodbye process.}

October- month of diagnosis. Still there as normal. By December we still had a good covering, although it had been breaking off over the past months. January: I could still do most the styles we had been doing. We still had good coverage, but still thinning. February: I thought that this would be our last back pony tail. The Dr. was certain the chemo she got this month would take her hair. It didn't. I was thrilled that she had more hair than her new baby brother by mid-Feb. We could even still style it in back pony loop throughs. A month later, on her last day of the last phase of treatment (March 19), was her last set of pony tails. It was now noticeably taking a toll. It would thin more and more each day. By the very end of March, I could still get a single pony up front, but had to include all the bangs. It was pretty slim pickins' to get enough to fit in the elastic. I did the best I could with what we had to work with. And her last official "ponytail" was at the first of April, just a few days before her second birthday. It was a back pony that looked more like the "shave the bottom, leave the top look" popular from the early 90's. Oh ya, we're bringin it back!

On April 7, we had thin, blow in the wind, bald on the bottom hair. The very first picture of this post was taken just 6 days later.

Goodbye hair.

So now we're here. Sporting looks such as:

The hat

The headband (minus most hair)

But probably not so much this look. Although she's brought it to me a few times and says "bow". Um...maybe if we go to Disneyland?!

Also not sure about the do-rag look. We'll see. Never say never.