Viva Las Vegas!

Justin & I just returned from a sinless get away to sin city. Jus had a few continuing education courses there, so we mixed business with a little bit of pleasure. Here's a look at our Vegas vacation.

We stayed at the beautiful Venetian. Definitely a classier part of the strip. I love the architecture and details of that hotel-it's amazing. All the major Vegas hotels are so cool-love the detail, style, themes and originality-they go all out. We were spoiled & got to stay in one of the suites. Must say livin' the suite life isn't so bad.

At the Luxor, they had the Bodies exhibit, which I had heard a lot about, so I was excited to get a chance to go. It was cool- a complete look through the human body and I mean complete. The way they preserved the cadavers was awesome. It was very intriguing and educational. My favorite part was the baby/fetal section- it had views of fetuses at every stage. I couldn't believe all that was visibly developed by 8 weeks. Very cool if you ever get a chance to see it.

Then, we met up with our good friends Ryan and Becca Nelson, who live in Vegas. They met us for dinner and the show Ka. I think I liked Mystere better, but Cirque Du Soleil is always cool.

Throw in some shopping (Yay! I was finally able to add a few things to my wardrobe- I swear it's been a few years since that's happened), some delightful food like this yummy indulgence from a cute place called Serendipity (I wish what you ate in Vegas, stayed in Vegas) & it makes for a great trip!

Reflections at a year....Trust in the Lord

"Everybody in this life has their challenges and difficulties. That is part of our mortal test. The reason for some of these trials cannot be readily understood except on the basis of faith and hope because there is often a larger purpose which we do not always understand. Peace comes through hope. We are all subject to sorrow and suffering, to disease and death. Through times good and bad, the Lord expects each of us to endure to the end."

{Russell M. Nelson}

Too often, I think we excuse the miracles and blessings in our lives as coincidence. One of the most incredible experiences we've had during this cancer saga is the realization of how much the Lord is present in our lives. I cannot deny this and never want our family to forget the blessings we've received in the midst of our trial. Even though I wondered if the blog was the most appropriate place for this, I've decided that this needs to be recorded to help us remember that there was something else, something very special, that helped us through this all.

Sometimes life is just about going through the motions. We run from place to place, task to task...wondering what's the point in any of it. However, there are also times when you are stopped in your tracks and truly realize that this life is all part of a plan. Each plan is individual and unique and you are shown the Lord's hand in your life, leading and guiding you down the path that was meant for you. If there is one thing that I could say without a doubt, it's that the Lord works in mysterious ways. He was definitely preparing us for this, for several years really. As I run through the events and details from the beginning of this journey and look back at how the groundwork was being set long ago, I stand all amazed.

This is a little hard to convey in writing, so I'm going to try to break these special experiences/ impressions/blessings up into sections. (P.S. Pictures aren't specific to anything, just random family pictures.)

Oregon Trip:
There were several things that happened prior to Rylee's diagnosis that was preparing me for what was ahead.

• I had had several thoughts about change and expecting the unexpected in my head (look at my blog posts right before diagnosis).


• The weekend before Rylee was diagnosed, we had been in Oregon for Greg's (Justin's brother) wedding. Usually I'm more than up for a little get-away, but there was something telling me that we just needed to go for the wedding and get right back home (considering Rylee's condition, it could have been very devastating if we had extended our stay).


• At Greg & Hailey's wedding, the sealer talked much about how there is no such thing as coincidence-everything happens for a reason, we are led where we need to be, to meet the people we need to meet, etc. The truth of this really touched me and stuck with me. I have since pinpointed many of these so-called "coincidences" than indeed did not just happen by chance.


• One of the more unbelievable aspects of this trip was when Jus & I were driving home. Our kids had been staying at my parents and Rylee did not feel well when we left and was still quite sick while we were away. After talking to my mom on our drive home & her telling me that Rylee wasn't looking so great, I told Justin that I wasn't really looking forward to getting back, because I knew we'd have a big undertaking with Rylee. I said that it worries me because she had been really pale, which means something with the blood, which is probably going to end up being something like Leukemia. Justin of course said that I always expect the worse and that it wasn't going to be Leukemia. (Hate to say I told you so! Hit that nail on the head- once again, no coincidence:)

Day of Diagnosis:
I've often been asked if I was blind-sighted by the news of Rylee's diagnosis. And well, honestly, not really. Like I said, I know I was being prepared. Even when we first got to the ER, the on call pediatrician told us that he didn't think it was leukemia. I didn't get my hopes up, I knew that it probably was. There are so many things that happened that day leading up to the actual diagnosis that did not happen by chance.

• It was one of those days where everything got accomplished (which is very rare most days). Jace was gone to preschool, Rylee was for her nap and I was able to get things in order. It was a tender mercy.


• I remember earlier in the day getting an impression. I was told, "If I didn't give you everything at once, you'd have too much time to worry about one thing." I had been cleaning and such and remember feeling that I needed to get in the shower and get ready for the day (and a very long night ahead of me).


• Later that afternoon, I took Rylee to the Dr. Our favorite (and more trusted) Dr. just so happened to be in that day (he's only in about 1 week out of the month and we had already been mis-diagnosed once at this practice) and he knew immediately that Rylee needed further testing. Usually I'm very independent with Dr. visits and stuff with the kids, but, in this instance, I felt like I needed to call Justin and have him come with me to the hospital for lab work, which he did.


• We came home, had dinner and the Dr. called us, telling us to take Rylee to the ER immediately, her blood work did not look good, it could be a number of things, but most likely a virus in the blood stream or something like leukemia. I immediately went in strong, survival mode. I knew this was going to be significant, yet I kept a relatively calm head about everything. I was being comforted, no doubt. Remember that I was pregnant and everything is usually harder when pregnant.


• When we arrived at the ER, it was no coincidence that our next door neighbor ended up being our nurse. She only works a few days a week at night and it just so happened to be the shift that we were there for. She was in the room when Dr. Hancock gave us Rylee's diagnosis and she immediately jumped in. She knew us, she knew our schedule and the things we were involved in. She got phone numbers, made necessary phone calls and took care of us like only a neighbor, not just a nurse, could have. She became my brain and a huge support- telling Justin what to go gather from home, etc. while we waited for life flight. She also prepped me for convincing the life flight crew to allow Justin to come with me. It also just so happened that her family was leaving the next day for Salt Lake and drove our car down for us.


• Also, when we were still at the ER, my visiting teacher just so happened to call my cell phone, just minutes after the diagnosis, not knowing anything was wrong but just to check in with me(it was the last day of the month). My MIL answered my phone, thinking it was a family member or something and told her the news. Like a good visiting teacher should...she immediately contacted the R.S. President, who contacted the Bishop, who called his counselor and were to visit us at the hospital immediately. The R.S. Pres and Bishops wife (my neighbor) met Justin at the house and helped him as he gathered items for our stay at Primary Children's. This all later led to a ward fast (which ward members were called individually since it was General Conference week) and so much other support from our ward. Never underestimate the importance of visiting teaching- a simple phone call on the last day of the month made all the difference to me that night and in weeks to come.

There were other things that just all lined up. My sisters kept Jace and their kids were out of school for spud harvest and teacher inservice, which gave cousins for Jace to play with and keep him occupied. It was also the week of General Conference, which not only gave us wonderful insight and something to do all those hours in the hospital room, it also brought a lot of people to Salt Lake who visited and supported us at the hospital, which meant so much.

The Precursor: Led back to Idaho:
Although there have been many little miracles along the way, probably the biggest one was our move back to Idaho. About 3 years ago, Jus was finishing up his Master's degree, shopping out jobs to decide where we should land. He had a couple offers in Salt Lake, an offer to head up an office in Evanston, WY or take the job with Rudd & Co. in Idaho that Jus applied for basically on a whim, just to see if it could even compete.

Somehow Rudd managed to beat out all other offers. It's probably no secret that I was less than excited to move back to Idaho, but we really couldn't refuse the offer either. All of this is miraculous to me because just about 1.5 years previous, after Jus had finished with his bachelors, he had been offered a job in Idaho, but it didn't even compare to his job in Salt Lake-salary or benefit wise and now an Idaho job was beating out a higher market? Besides the fact that Justin's job has been flexible and so supportive of us, the truth is is that we needed to be in Idaho. I can't even imagine going through this without the support we've had here. If there are three crucial things that have saved us through this it has been 1. our family for their support and help, 2. having a local and reputable pediatric oncologist in our community(who moved to Idaho basically same time as we did) and 3. for the additional insurance assistance we've received as Idaho residents.

One of the social workers at Primary Children's asked us where we were from. After we said Idaho, she said, "You guys are so lucky to be from Idaho. They are one of only two states that offer an insurance assistance program (Katie Beckett-acts as a secondary insurance) for children with certain diseases/conditions." Leukemia happens to be one of the qualified conditions and we just so happened to be from Idaho. (We have been told that many people in our situation end up having to file medical bankruptcy). As soon as she said that, I was humbled and overcome with gratitude. I looked at Justin and told him that was why we needed to be in Idaho & why things worked out as they did. At that moment, everything became very clear to me. This was all part of a plan. We had been prepared. We had been led to where we needed to be, by the people we needed to be with. The Lord truly works in mysterious ways. He has not left us comfortless and with the help we have received, he has not given us more than we can handle. We've been so blessed.

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Prov. 3:5–6

"I testify that bad days come to an end, that faith always triumphs and that heavenly promises are always kept."

{Elder Holland}

Just when you think you have it bad....

....you always find someone who has it worse.

If you had the opportunity to help save a life, would you take it?

Sometimes we just don't get to choose what life hands us. I was just made aware of this cute family who is in a devastating situation. I have known their dad (Jarred Skinner) since about 3rd grade, but lost touch after high school. I was saddened to hear about all that they are facing and wanted to anything I could to help spread the word and encourage support to this family.

One of my friends is hosting an online auction to benefit their family- she's auctioning off one of her beautiful cakes + Katie Wells Photography has donated a photo session to be auctioned off as well. Go to http://www.allishascakes.blogspot.com/ to place a bid. You can also make donations directly (click on the button on the right to learn more).

Here's a little more background on Jarred's kids:

Benson and Claire were born with a rare genetic disease in which their liver produces too much oxalate--called primary hyperoxaluria. Claire's condition has progressed much faster than Benson's. She has been on dialysis since she was 3 months old and is on dialysis 3 hours a day, 6 days a week. She is now on the waiting list to receive a combined kidney/liver transplant. It is expected Benson will eventually need similar transplants. Benson and Clarie are part of the Children's Organ Transplant Association (COTA). This non-profit charity helps children in need of life-saving transplants by organizing volunteers to raise funds for transplant-related expenses. With the cost of a transplant often exceeding $500,000, transplant patients are unable to shoulder the financial burden of such a procedure. Please visit www.cotaforbensonandclaires.com for more information about COTA and Benson and Claire's medical journey. Consider donating even a small amount to help this family through a dual kidney/liver transplant for two children. 100% of all funds raised are used for the kid's transplant-related expenses. Thank you for helping us spread the word and for giving hope to Benson and Claire.

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Most of us cannot even imagine what they must be going through, but I believe more now than ever that if there is something you can do....do it! There's always a little extra somewhere, even if it means doing without something ourselves. Good causes always seem like a good idea, but how often are we active in doing something about it?

I was intrigued by something I heard along these same lines. A guy in my ward, who works in the health care field, shared some information about a study that determined that if everyone in the world followed the law of the fast and donated the money that would have been used for those meals, it would eliminate world hunger. All the proceeds would make up the difference to be able to provide for all. Of course, nothing says it better than a quote can.

We are not put on this earth for ourselves, but are placed here for each other. If you are there always for others, then in time of need, someone will be there for you.

{Jeff Warner}

One year down, 1.25 years to go.....

Well, we did it! Today we have officially survived our first year of cancer. I must say that it feels much better to be where we are right now, than it felt a year ago.

{A look back at Rylee through her first year of cancer. }

It actually feels like the year went by surprisingly fast, yet there were a lot days, some very hard days within that year. It stirs up a lot of deep emotion for me as I reflect back on this past year. Considering where we have been and where we are today, I must say that ultimately, I am just so grateful that we have arrived. So glad to see that year behind us. I really hope that I never have to endure one that like that again.

Last year, when we were in route to Primary Children's, aboard Life Flight, I knew that we were in for it. I looked around... Rylee was laying there, very lethargic with an IV coming out of the top of her head. Two nurses were monitoring her every breath and held a bag of blood on ice, ready to transfuse at any moment in flight ....I realized at that moment that life as we knew it was gone. We still had so many questions and answers and many unknowns, but I knew that this would be a defining moment in our lives, something that would change everything.

{Who said kids don't come with an instruction manual? Kids with cancer do. This is our cancer bible that we were sent home with from PCMC. I've read it cover to cover. If you ever need to do a report, I've got references galore!}

And you know what? It has. Absolutely. The journey has been unexplainable. It's been difficult on so many levels. We lost health, we lost a piece of Rylee, we watched her morph from one thing to the next as effects of chemo, drugs and poor health set in. We've been in and out of hospitals, went from one procedure to the next, from this lab to that appointment, have diligently given some type of medication daily. We've fought several battles, had many inconveniences, a few set backs and have had our hearts broken more than once. We've been sanitized, isolated and had to miss out a time or two. There have been highs, lows, frustrations and tender mercies.

But you know what? It has all been worth it. This is Rylee today. She has grown up on us in the middle of the fight of her life. She was a baby of 18 months at diagnosis and is now a 2.5 year old little lady. She's now in a big girl bed and is learning how to use the potty. When we arrived at Primary Children's we were told that she was lucky to be alive. Her blood counts were at a dangerously low level. That shakes you. When I look at all that we've gone through, no matter what-- it has been worth it. Worth it to have her here with us, worth it to experience these milestones, worth it to hear her laugh and listen to her talk and remind us what life is all about and what really matters.

She's not been feeling great today. She had treatment (spinal tap + chemo) on Monday and she's starting to feel it. She's also a litle emotional from her montly dose of steroids this week. This has all become part of our new normal. But, we'll continue fighting. We'll get her well. I really feel like the worst of it is behind us.

{Wow! Look at all that hair. Thanks $8 Hannah Montana wig}

So..tonight we're going to enjoy a very normal night as a family. Something that we didn't have for much of the year. Today is a celebration. A celebration of our survivor, Rylee. To celebrate what we've gotten through, to celebrate what is behind us, to celebrate what we've learned.

"There is no obstacle too great, no challenge too difficult, if we have faith." (President Gordon B. Hinckley)

{Heads Up: While I've shared much of our journey on our blog, there are several aspects that I feel have been left out. I could honestly write a book about many aspects of our experience, but who has the time to write a book? Certainly not me. Instead, I've decided to share a little more depth of our experience during this month that marks our one year cancer anniversary. This is really more for our family history than anything, as I plan to do a blog book, so I'm sorry if it feels like I'm beating a dead horse. }

General Conference Pack

Hey, if anyone is interested in printing off a conference packet for your kids, let me know and I'll email you one. Our Primary Presidency sent us one that's updated for this next conference. I'm sure there is some way to just add the document right here, but I'm just not that blog savvy.

We've got a crawler...

Jaden just turned 7 months! He started crawling about a week before his 7 month mark(about two weeks ago). He used to get so frustrated about wanting to move. Now he's on the go and keeps us on our toes. He's already crawled off our bed, had a close call down the stairs and crawled to the tub, stood up and fell on the tile floor. I can't keep up with this kid!

He's still a little ball of energy. I'm not kidding when I say he really can't hold still-try holding him. MAJOR wiggle worm! Thankfully his spitting up/fussiness has decreased quite a bit now, but we've still gotta keep the burp rag close after eating. He still loves being held, is not a great sleeper at night, but does pretty good with naps. He is adored, mauled and fought over by Jace and Rylee, which has made him pretty tough. He's a pretty good sport with those two. He's got a cute little giggle and an adorable smile. I love his dimple. He's been babbling and says, "da,da,da,da." He can now sit, stand, crawl and even cruise around the furniture a bit. His life is like a flash in front of my eyes.

Where has 7 months gone?

Slow Dance

I've been in deep thought tonight.

Thinking a lot about cancer(surprise, surprise), thinking about how many lives it affects, wishing they had a cure, wondering why they don't. Did you know there are over 100 different types of cancer? And they are usually caused by one abnormal cell. It's a mystery with so many dependents. The finder for a cure would certainly be heaven sent(besides a multi-billionaire)-it's too complex otherwise.

I stumbled across a blog (a friend of a friend) tonight that told of another family just learning that their 6 year old son was diagnosed with ALL (same as Rylee's- it brought many emotions to the surface), reading about another friend who is in the middle of her battle with cancer, finding out a few months ago of a good friend of mine's mom diagnosed with breast cancer. Then, I started looking down my blog list and realized that many of you have experienced cancer in one way or another. Next month is breast cancer awareness- tonight I wanted to pass along a poem that a friend emailed me awhile ago in tribute to all those who have fought, are fighting or will fight this terrible disease. I'm sure they learned to slow down and realized what life is really all about.

"Slow Dance"

(This is a poem written by a teenager girl with cancer. It was passed along by her doctor.)

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round? Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight? Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask how are you? Do you hear the reply?When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head?

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

Ever told your child, we'll do it tomorrow? And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die cause you never had time to call and say,'Hi'?

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere, you miss half the fun of getting there. When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....thrown away.

Life is not a race. Do take it slower. Hear the music...before the song is over.

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I hate to name names, but I was shocked when I realized how many of you have also been affected by cancer (You'll know who you are). And this is just from those who read my blog.

Thinking of:

Amy H.'s father-in-law
Allison's friends
Amy S's mom
Katie C's mom
Jenny J's brother
Hailey's mom
Meagan's sister
Charakie's husband
Audra's brother-in-law
Jillian's mom and mother-in-law
Stephanie W's husband
Nicole's mom
Toni's mom
Katie' E's daughter
Rich's dad and sister
Tiffany S's husband
Vince's sister and wife
Angie herself
Leilani's mom
Tracy's mother-in-law
Sydney's sister
Ardath's husband
Bev's dad
Our families granddaughter, niece and cousin
Jace and Jaden's sister
Mine & Justin's daughter
Rylee herself

Leave a comment if I forgot anyone or if I named anyone wrongly. I think it would be interesting to note what kind of cancer too. Seriously, Race for the Cure!