The Most Wonderful Time of the Year...

The Tree is Trimmed

The Stockings are Hung

The Newsletters are Mailed

The Halls are Decked

Neighbor Gifts Out & Preschool Gifts Done

Cards & Gifts are Arriving

The Focus is Right

I love this time of year!

Hope you all have a Merry Christmas!

Oh ya, I'm pregnant!

So...a friend requested some "belly" pictures. I swear the desire to takes these gets less and less with each child. However, I'm always glad that I have them after the fact, so I decided to take a few. But when I look at these all I can think of is the Hippo song from Madagascar 2- "I like 'em big & chunky." (Have you seen it? You Tube it if not- seriously hilarious).

News Flash: Pregnancy doesn't really get any easier the more kids you have. I laugh now to think I had the time or energy to do stuff like read What to Expect... books with my first pregnancy. I honestly can't even tell you how far along I am right now. Somewhere in the 7.5 months range, but who's counting? (Due Feb. 23- that I do know).

This pregnancy has been um.... eventful? Come to think of it, I have yet to have an uneventful pregnancy. With Jace, we had a scare in the ultrasound (that turned out fine in the end), I worked full time and was serving as Primary President in our ward at the time-(both counselors were dealing with life circumstances- new baby for one and a husband's brain tumor for the other. Plus the primary program was only a month after Jace was born.) Then with Rylee, we moved, were living with my parents, built a house and I was potty training Jace just to name a few. And now all of recent events have played into this pregnancy.

As mentioned before, this pregnancy wasn't exactly "planned" (by us at least). "What? I'm having a baby? I already have a baby!" was pretty much my response. I had planned on a year of a little R&R- but life had a different plan. Go figure!

So... instead, this little guy got me out of a lot of yard work, traveled to San Diego and Bear Lake with us- (I got into my swimming suit, but was not the most comfortable.) I had to sit out on most of the rides at Legoland and pretty much quit working out due to morning sickness (3 months worth) and exhaustion. Then we got the news about Rylee & I would be lieing if I said it has been easy.

The biggest challenge is that I'm not at my best. Pregnancy has caused me to be sick, exhausted, uncomfortable, & suffocated at times. The combination of traveling, going to a million Dr's appointments (Rylee's & mine), holding/comforting a child on my "limited seating" capacity lap, packing a nearly 30 pounder around (now in the snow too- trying not to fall, all while trying to pull those blasted maternity pants back up from sagging.), getting nauseous from the smell of the chemo, all while taking care of a 4 year old, a house and all the other stuff us mom's do has been difficult at times. I'm not complaining, I'm just keeping it real. If life were easy, it wouldn't be hard though, right?

Needless to say, I'm excited to have the pregnancy part over with. However, I must admit that I get a little bit of anxiety with the reality of adding something else to my plate. Sometimes I honestly wonder how I'm going to do it. My best guess is with a lot of help. We'll have a few issues to deal with- Jus will be in tax season, I'll be trying to recover from a C-section, Rylee will just start an intense treatment cycle, besides the fact that we'll now be outnumbered and have a few more Dr. appointments to go to.

But...if there is one thing I know, it's that the Lord works in mysterious ways and he'll never give us more than we can handle. So, I'm just trusting in that. I try not to get too bent out of shape over things that are out of my control. One of the most distinct impressions I had the day that Rylee was diagnosed was the thought, "If I didn't give you everything at once, you'd have too long to dwell on one thing." Well, I've always worked best under pressure. There is no doubt in my mind that our baby boy has a purpose and that this is the right time for him to come to our family. So..put the shoulder to the wheel and push along. We'll get through it one way or another, there is no other choice.

Now if we could only come up with a name for him. Any suggestions?

A Rylee Recap- November

Before November becomes too much of a distant memory for me, I just wanted to journal a little bit about Rylee's past month of treatment.

{This picture is not a current one, it was taken in July, but I've been terrible at taking any pictures lately and I hate it when posts have no pictures.}

This past month, Rylee has been in the second phase of treatment for ALL. It's called Standard Consolidation and lasts 4 weeks (28 days). We've been able to do all of her treatments here in Rexburg this month, which has been such a blessing to not have to travel on top of everything else. This is what it consisted of- we finish it up tomorrow!

1- She's had 3 spinal punctures (once a week). These are done up at the hospital. Basically it's a procedure where the Oncologist pokes her lower back and takes a sample of her spinal fluid, which is then sent off to a lab to check for any signs of Leukemia cells. Then they inject a chemo drug called Intrathecal Methotrexate into the spinal fluid for prevention purposes. I know it sounds complicated, but she's under anesthesia for the procedure, which actually only takes about 20 minutes or so. The whole appointment takes about 2 hours though by the time they prep her, do vitals a hundred times and then once she comes out of it etc.

[This has been much easier to do locally though because she gets the first appointment of the day (we have to be at the hospital by 6:30 a.m.), which is considerably easier than our 3 p.m. appointments at Primary Children's. Because she can't eat or drink anything after midnight due to the anesthesia (which was really more like 6:00 p.m. when we have dinner) it was torture trying to keep a hungry 18 month old content during a 3.5 hour drive, clinic that takes a couple hours and sometimes even through a 2+ hour blood transfusion all while on steroids that made her hungrier than a grown man. Glad that's over!]

2- She only had to have one IV push of the chemo drug Vincristine this month. {She used to get this weekly} This is given through her central line in a syringe. It's done at the Dr.'s office and only takes a few minutes.

3- Had her blood drawn each week to check counts and ANC levels. All of her counts have been pretty good this month. Her white blood cell count is a little low, but that's typical for her condition. Her Hematocrit is back up in the normal range {this was the count that was very scary at diagnosis and why she had to get so many blood transfusions- it was at a 10 and is now up to 37.5%. Normal range is between 30-40%.} ANC (absolute neutrophil [or immune] count) level has been up. Initially this was at 0% and she's now up to about 1.2%. The Dr. says she was at a level 4, which means she really had no ability to fight stuff off and now she's at about a level 2. He hopes to keep her right in this range throughout treatment.

It affects us less since the ANC count has gone up. We can now take her out and about with us more. We've been taking her to church and although nursery was not recommended, I've been taking her in for the music time and she just loves to interact with the kids. We still have to be careful to keep her away from sick people and in crowds due to cold & flu season, but it feel much more free now that she doesn't always have to stay behind.

4- Rylee's been on an oral medication called Mercaptopurine that we had to give to her once a day. She also takes a med called Septra twice a day every Mon. and Tues.

5- She has not lost much more hair. I trimmed up her bangs and the back (growing a small tail ), but I'm still able to do little piggies in the back or a clip or something up front. Little bits fall out when I combing it, but so far, it's not too bad. I'm pretty sure that in another month or two it will fall out. She'll be getting more chemo in the coming months- I'm expecting it to have some effect.

Besides a visit from the home health nurse once a week, that's about it for this month. It was definitely less intense than the first month. And thank goodness it didn't require steroids! They will return later, so I'm appreciating it when we don't have them. I just could not be more grateful for all the prayers on our behalf. Rylee's tolerance for treatment has been remarkable and so far, there is no sign of relapse! Please continue to pray for her- it's working!

We've been given her treatment plan for the next course, which she'll start on Monday. It lasts about 8 weeks (56 days) and will go through right around Feb. 2. In the upcoming months, she'll be given two different chemo drugs (IV push) every 10 days. One of the chemo drugs will increase in dosage each week. Then she'll just have one spinal puncture. We are then told that she'll have about a two week break and then another "intense" course will begin. This is what one Dr. referred to as the "One, two punch." Apparently it's the last hard course before a patient enters the maintenance phase.

So...I can see the light.

Just Around the Corner...

Our outside lights are up.

Tree is up, but not yet decorated.

The first present is wrapped.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas!

So excited to get it all done, but I'll enjoy Thanksgiving tomorrow first.

The Trip Not Taken

This morning at approx. 8 a.m. we were supposed to board a plane to Israel. It's a trip that's been in the works for a few years now. Tickets had been bought, babysitters had been lined up, time off was arranged and we were really looking forward to going. My parents and all of my siblings + spouses are on their way to the Holy Land as I speak. It would have been our first international trip, the first stamp on our passport and is said to be a "life changing" experience.

We opted not to go when Rylee was diagnosed with Leukemia. I guess you could say there were just too many details and concerns to leave behind. So...our tickets were sold, Justin's family got off the hook with taking our kids on for 10 days and our passports sit in our cupboard- unstamped. I guess we got a different kind of "life changing" experience instead.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself- that's not my intention at all. So please don't pity me. We actually feel more relieved about staying- it would have been hard to really relax and enjoy ourselves if we would have gone anyway. It's just a trip. Sometimes sacrifices have to made as parents.

You are the trip I did not take.
You are the pearls I cannot buy
You are my blue Italian Lake
You are my piece of foreign sky.

{Unknown}

So...if you've ever had to miss out on something, for whatever reason, here's another quote I like that keeps it in perspective.

" For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else."

{Ralph Waldo Emerson}

Today

Today...

I'm loving the last few rainy days. It's given me a chance to dig into some organization projects. Finally getting to my scrapbook room a little. Getting on top of laundry, going through clothes, finding a place for everything. I love to get things organized! I hope to get through all of our new medical paper work today. Pretty sure it doesn't belong in a big heap on the desk.

Also...

Is anyone else getting so excited for Christmas? I can't wait. I've been getting the urge to start decorating, but making myself hold off a few weeks. Maybe after Thanksgiving.

And..

Just curious. How long does everyone hold on to bath towels for? I swear my mom never got rid of a towel growing up, but I've been wondering if it might be time to switch a few out. Almost that feeling of never quite seeming clean, even though I wash them regularly and have even started adding some Clorox into the wash. We got most of our towels we use for our wedding, about 6.5 years ago. Is there a standard on this?

Opposition in All Things

This summer, we put our yard in ("we" really means Justin). Hydro seed was basically the last step- the one I couldn't wait for- Grass! I wanted the instant gratification of sod, but settled for the more economical choice of hydro seed. Weeks went by and we finally started to see our small little budding grass. Then came the weeds & still sit the sprouting weeds amongst our little baby grass. Whenever I look out our window, I think about opposition. Nice that we have grass, not so nice that we have the weeds in the grass.

A few weeks ago, I was on my way home from the grocery store. Long day, ready to get home & get on to the next thing. But what stands in my way? A long train going down the track, blocking the road home. Glad for means of transport, not so glad for the delays.

This weekend, opposition proved itself once again. Rylee and her cousin were playing. Not quite sure how or what happened, but our little cousin somehow managed to break Rylee's central line. Rylee came out to alert me, cousin came out to say she pulled Rylee's "tag" off. I lift up her shirt to a bloody muddle, grabbed the emergency clamp, made a few flustered phone calls and rushed out the door to the E.R. (FYI: the central line is essentially her life-line. It's connected to her heart, everything goes in and out of this line- blood draws, transfusions, chemo, anesthesia, etc.)

Two wasted hours at Madison Memorial E.R., an 8 hour round trip drive to Primary Children's, a mended central line and 12 exhausting hours later, we pulled back into our garage, climbed into our beds and realized once again that there truly is opposition in all things. Great news that treatment is going well and that remission was achieved, feeling that we could now relax a bit- not so great of news to have a complete accident happen, a little scare and unexpected set-back. Opposition!

In Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin's talk at conference he addressed this very issue. He said, "I know why there must be opposition in all things. Adversity, if handled correctly, can be a blessing in our lives. We can learn to love it." Essentially...come what may, and love it! Whether it's weeds in the grass, a train down the track or a broken central line, we can learn to love what we learn from it. Because really, most opposition or adversity doesn't last forever. The grass will eventually take over the weeds, the train will go down the track and central lines can be repaired. Opposition can be overcome. And... I'm learning everyday how it really can become a blessing. I've experienced so many instances that I've really come to know the truth in this. We are gaining so much, despite our loss.

What I learned to love from this last bit of opposition was to appreciate what I used to have day in and day out- "normalcy." I never used to fully appreciate it for what it was- my perspective has now been changed and I have learned contentment. I found this poem that explains it perfectly.

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return. {Mary Jean Iron}

As we were driving back from Salt Lake in the wee hours of the morning, I layed my head on Justin's shoulder and told him that some day we'll have it back. Our "normal." This too shall pass. And I wonder why I sometimes thought it was so hard before. I will cherish the day when Rylee can play without worry, when we no longer have weekly Dr. appointments or treatments to go to, when there will be no need for daily medications, when she can go out and about without fear of germs or getting dangerously sick, when a week goes by that we aren't waiting on one test result or another, when giving her a bath will no longer require saran wrap, press 'n seal or tape to protect her dressing, when she can lay her belly down and submerge in the water and kick and get water wherever she wants to without risk of getting infection in her line. Just a good 'ol normal day. Bless that day! I will be grateful for it.

But for now...we'll learn from our opposition. Because without the opposition, we wouldn't recognize what a blessing life is-just plain old simple, normal life. We could not rid Rylee of this disease without dealing with some opposition. And it's worth every bit of opposition for us to do so. Beautiful daughter, terrible disease. Opposition! Accidents happen, just grateful that it all worked out. Come what may!

(And just to be clear- there are no hard feelings over this. Her cousin is only a little older than Rylee & does not understand or know better. We were all shocked that it even happened. It really wasn't anyone's fault. This is new to all of us and with this comes some adjustments, changes and lessons learned.)