Yep...things can always get worse!

Just because I said that I can do hard things...doesn't mean that I want to do even harder things. I think someone upstairs is getting the wrong idea about me. Plus, my last post should have said I can do hard things WITH HELP (lots of it)!

My day started out with finding Rylee in a crib full of throw up. Poor thing had nausea ALL DAY. After 3 baths, 2 showers, several changes of clothes for me, her and my mom, lots of loads of laundry, some quick clean up on the carpet and couch and about 5 hours later- the throwing up FINALLY stopped.

I was a pretty sorry case first thing this morning. Justin had already left for work (it's tax season mind you). Jace was up, Jaden was up & fed, but not burped and Rylee was crying for me. I go to Rylee's room to get her, find the mess & get her in the bath immediately. Boys were still content. Just as I was getting Rylee out of the tub, Jaden starts fussing. So, I grab him, get Rylee out and start trying to dress her, while also trying to calm him down. Rylee doesn't feel well, only wants me. Jaden won't settle down, needs to burp-hard to do one handed. Quick call to Jus to make sure that he really has to work today, he ensures me that he does. Realizing very quickly that it's going to be impossible for me to do this alone (two crying kids on your lap will do that), I call my mom (woke her up) to see if she has plans for the day. She says she can be here in 45 minutes.

Meanwhile....baby won't calm down and Rylee won't quit throwing up. I know that I can't make it alone for 45 minutes. So....I have Jace track down the phone & dial up Jus for me (which, by the way, if you've called our house recently, you'll note that Jace has become our official phone concierge). Justin comes home to help until my mom can get here. When he gets to our house, I'm sitting on the couch, bouncing baby on one hand and holding Rylee on my lap that is full of 4 rounds of fresh throw up-on both me & Rylee. I then prop the baby up to re-situate and yep, you guess it, he spits up. Yummy!

And this was all in the first waking hour! The day proceeds accordingly- throw up, clean up, do laundry, soothe crying baby, nurse, hold Rylee, etc. My poor mom always gets stuck with our dirty work too. She has been so much help to us this past month. I finally got some more anti-nausea into Rylee & she quits throwing up, takes a nap and of course, wakes up with a fever. Fevers are a big deal for her. We have protocol to follow if it gets too high. Well...it got too high. It was at 102, so I call the after-hours number. (Everything happens on weekends, holidays or nights, I swear). They say to give her some Tylenol and watch things for an hour. We give it two hours and her fever is still at 100.9, the throwing up stopped, but then she got diarrhea! I call back and report, get connected to our Dr. and he says to take her to the E.R.

So...Justin took Rylee to the E.R. tonight about 5:30, while I stayed here with the boys. Rylee got some fluids pumped through her to hydrate her, got an antibiotic, chest X-ray and they did a CBC to see where her counts were at. Well...they were too low, so Rylee had to be admitted tonight to the hospital. Justin's staying up there with her, while I stay here with the boys- because I'm pretty sure Jaden will get hungry through the night. Just more proof of what I said earlier...it's hard! Feeling very torn between my children's needs. Speaking of which...small fry (a.k.a. Jaden) has been a bit of a fusser. I don't even want to say the word colic, but there have been a few hours these last few nights that I'm wondering if that's the case. Pray really hard for me that it's not colic. (It just seems that he always gets a really bad belly ache & only wants to eat, but I feel like all I do is feed him! Any tips?) And while you're at in, say a few words for Rylee and all of us. We've got another week just like this one ahead of us to get through.

We just can't seem to catch a break around here. I feel like we're becoming a complete "needy case"- if it's not one thing, it's another! Not to mention that it seems as if I'm the official poster child for measuring how good/bad your life is compared to mine. It's not hard to beat lately- seriously count your many blessings. Especially if you're in good health, say a big prayer of thanks. You just don't know what you've got, til it's gone.

I failed to mention my mantra songs: Sugar Ray: I get knocked down..., JoDee Messina, Bring on the Rain, and Tim McGraw Keep on Walkin'... Something's gotta get you through it.

I Can Do Hard Things

For some reason, this statement enters my head almost everyday lately. Along with some other favorite sayings such as, When the goin' get tough...the tough gets goin; Put your shoulder to the wheel; Things can always get worse and This too shall pass.

Obviously, things haven't exactly been easy for us lately. We've had a lot going on and I have had some really hard days. It's been like a three ring circus I tell ya. I have truly learned that sometimes things get worse before they get better. It really has been one thing after another these past few weeks. On top of the complications with Jaden, Rylee getting sick & the 2 infections I came up with in addition to trying to heal from a C-Section; Jace ended up with a fever of 103 last week and had glands the size of golf balls-so off to the Dr. with him, then by the weekend, I got a nasty cold- body aches, swollen glands, sore throat, runny nose, etc.

We've just been running mad from one appointment to the next. My 2 week check, Jaden's 2 week check and of course, turns out he's jaundice, so off to the hospital to check the bellirubin. An hour wait for the lab there. It came back too high, so of course, it required a follow-up lab check, so on Sunday off we go once again to the hospital. Thankfully it dropped and we don't have to do any treatment for it so far. But...once we were there, I realized that Rylee hadn't gotten her CBC (complete blood count) to see if her counts were good enough to start treatment on Monday. Trouble is- you have to have Dr.'s orders to get the lab work, so I call our Dr., he gives orders and wouldn't you know it- it's going to be another hour wait. You've got to be kidding me! I go off on a little tangent (a nice one), tell the receptionists that I think the hospital is understaffed because I waited 1 hour in admitting for Jaden's PKU, I waited 1 hour to get a jaundice test and now I'm being asked to wait another hour for the ER's short stay to draw a freakin' vile of blood. Nothing irritates me more than protocol and I deal with a lot of it.

Can you tell it's been a long week? Rylee started treatment this week & it's been a little draining. She had a 9 hour ordeal on Monday. Justin took her to the hospital for her spinal tap, which takes 2 hours and then I took her to her appointment/chemo and we were there for 7 hours! Yes, in one room at the Dr.'s office. Yes, we ate lunch there. Yes, we were there past office hours. First she's seen by the Dr. and they order all the drugs. Then Rylee had 2 pre-drugs (for anti-nausea and anti-allergy), then we have to wait a half an hour for them to kick in. Then she was given 2 kinds of chemo, one of which took an hour to administer. Then we had a mix of an antibiotic and hydration for 3-4 hours. {The long chemo is apparently quite toxic to the liver and bladder, so they hydrate right after to essentially get it in and then right out of the system.}Thankfully that one was just a one time deal. However, we've been there every single day this week for chemo & next week will be the same thing. The schedule alone is very hard to keep up with. You loose a lot of valuable time to accomplish other stuff.

I'm finding that sometimes life is just hard. It's hard to balance three kids. It's hard to have a sick child. It's hard to have a baby and to recover and to find a new routine. It's hard to have a demanding 4 year old. It's hard to know who to give your attention to. It's hard to have 3 kids in 4 years. It's hard to set limits/boundaries, teach respect and make your child do something besides watch TV. It's hard to keep up on the house, laundry, dishes, dinners, diaper changes, etc. I honestly feel like I bounce from one thing to the next all day long.

So why are we sometimes asked to do hard things? I guess so that we can know what hard is and learn and grow from it. I love this short story. I'm finding that it's very true.

Jelly Rolls & Doughnuts
By: Carol Lynn Pearson

Emily came down to breakfast, looked at her scrambled eggs, whole wheat muffin and orange sections, and exclaimed in he own witty way, “But- but I ordered a jelly roll and four doughnuts!”

Frankly, Emily, I don’t know anybody in this world who has gotten exactly what they ordered. And it’s probably a good thing.

Everything we want is on the menu- perfect health, the undying love of someone we adore, professional success, wealth, physical beauty. And if we’re fortunate, we’ll get some of those things.

But every once in a while we will look down at what’s served up on that cosmic tray-the cancer surgery, the six months of unemployment, the broken heart from a love that went wrong, the death of a dear one, a child who scars himself by destructive behavior- we will look down at those or other sorrows, then up at the great kitchen in the sky and exclaim, “But-but I didn’t order this! I ordered health and wealth and happiness! The waiter made a mistake!”

I don’t think exchanges will be made. They never have been for me. I have come to believe, however, that if we accept what’s in front of us-if we try to understand it and learn from it and grow through it, if we let it strengthen us-we can come to see that maybe, just maybe, we are being better nourished than if we’d been given the jelly roll and doughnuts.

My life has been changed by the experiences we've endured. Although I'd rather have the jelly roll and doughnuts these past few weeks, I don't doubt that there is a purpose to all of this.

Sorry about my rant- this is good therapy for me. This week, one of Rylee's nurses said, "Sometimes you just do what you've gotta do. So do it, but write it all down, because one day you'll want to go back and see that you really did it."

"Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be."
--Charles "Tremendous" Jones

Welcome Jaden Max Taylor

Here is our new little guy:














Jaden Max Taylor
Born: Thursday, February 19, 2009
Time: 8:08 a.m
Place: Madison Memorial Hospital

Weight: 8 lb. 12 oz.
Height: 20 inches
Blue eyes, light brown hair

About his birth:
We had a scheduled C-Section for Thursday morning. We had to be there by 6:30 a.m. Once admitted, the nurses attempted to get my IV in. After three very painful tries, one nurse finally got it in. I was a little nervous at this point. Dr. came in and talked to us about how the cord blood banking would work, took Justin to get prepped for the OR and wheeled me on in to get the spinal block started. I had a bit of a panic attack as the numbing was starting- apparently my blood pressure fell really low or something. I felt very uneasy. Justin arrives, Apparently, I was already cut open. Dr. proceeds with the C-Section. I believe they said it was 7:45 when we got into the O.R. and Jaden was born at 8:08- pretty quick.

Jaden didn't cry much when he came out. I kept asking if everything was okay, they kept reassuring me that it was- just not a big crier, I guess. Justin then went with the baby to the nursery while the Dr.'s continued to stitch me up and stuff. We all reunited later in the room.

First Impressions:
My first thought was that he looked so tiny. I was actually very surprised when they said his weight. He seemed much smaller than my other two. I also thought he had a much lighter complexion & hair than Jace& Rylee. And smaller features- a tinsy little face. We still don't know who he really looks like, although a lot of people see a resemblance to Jace & Jus.


He is a sweet little baby. I have actually really been enjoying his newborn state- reminded of the pure miracle babies are. I love to hold him, have him root around on my face, have him close to me, etc. I love how tiny all of his things are- like newborn diapers and socks and clothes.- too cute! I forgot how hard it is to dress them because they are so little.

The other kids have welcomed him right in. Rylee wasn't too fond of him at the hospital, but I think she was just a little uneasy about me being in the hospital and didn't quite "get it" yet there. Plus..she didn't feel well at all, which contributed to her offishness with him. Jace has loved him from the beginning and so glad he has a baby brother. He loves to have one on one time with him at night, usually after Rylee is asleep. He likes to hold him and always says, "Mom I love babies." and will say stuff like, "I like babies poop, it smells like...poop." Uh, yep- it sure does. He loves to talk to him and especially loves it if the baby gets up by his face or neck. As you can see in one of these pictures, the kids are playing Dr. with the new little guy. He's been pretty agreeable to all their games so far.


A minor complication:
As I mentioned, we had a little bit of a complication. On Saturday night, the night before leaving the hospital, Jaden threw up blood. I called the nurse in and she said to just wait and see if he does it any more. Well, it was late & we were going to bed, so we didn't notice any further problems. Sunday morning comes and he does it again...twice. Threw up straight blood. So they take him and check his blood sugar and blood pressure- everything looked good. They also put a tube down his throat to draw from his stomach and drew out 15 cc's of straight blood. Not good! So...they suspected that he most likely was getting it through nursing. They call it a fisher- when they get like a blood vessel and pretty much suck it out. Yuck! So...they have me pump. No blood was noticeable, but they still suspect that is the source, so they have me pump, we watch things...no blood, so finally we were cleared to go home. I continue to pump and things still look good. On Monday, I had to take him to the Pediatrician to check things out and all was well, so the Dr. tells me to proceed with nursing. So I do, next day...blood in the diaper! You've got to be kidding me. Call Dr. back, they say to pump for 3-4 days and then watch for further problems. There wasn't, so we're back to nursing. Seriously!

About his name:
We knew that we wanted to use Max for the middle name, because it's Justin's middle name and Jus's grandpa's name. So it pretty much came down to Jaden Max or Dawson Max, although Jace really wanted him to be Trey. We finally just decided around noon on Friday that he was Jaden. We fiddled with the spelling a bit and Jaden Max was it. Jace says that his nickname is Treyden, but not really.

Funny thing about names. When we had Jace, I also loved the name Riley, but we went with Jace. Then with Rylee, it came down to Rylee or Jaidyn and we went with Rylee. Now we have a Jaden- just a boy version of it. So basically we've used all the names that we like. So we'll see what we come up with next time. And no...we're not trying to do the "J" name thing for our boys hence, Justin, Jace and Jaden. Just how it worked out.

Here's another cute picture to end with. Bright-eyed guy. By the way...when it rains, it pours, or floods in our case. Yesterday I came down with a fever- chalk up mastitis (breast infection) to our list of complications! And we got a call from Rylee's Dr. last night saying that her counts aren't good enough to start treatment today. Jus took her in today for more blood work and the Dr. has decided to push everything off until next week. In one way, it's a blessing- I will hopefully be in a much better state by next week to deal with it all and on the other hand, I was really looking forward to having it behind us. Plus..I always get a little worried pushing things off. I'm so paranoid about relapse. Believe me, the call from the Dr. on a Sunday night just about scared me to death. "We got Rylee's blood results back and...." Holding my breath until he finishes. Just our luck, especially these past few weeks.

But, we're glad to have little Jaden here. He brings a lot of happiness to our home. The kids are so excited to see him every morning and run in with excitement.

Taylor: Party of Five!

Well, it's official. We are now a family of five! It's been one heck of a week, but things are finally starting to slow down a bit.

It seems like for awhile now, there has been a lot of anticipation for what was to come and I've sort of had the attitude of "we'll cross that bridge when we get there" and well, I'd say we're crossing it now.

Justin is in full swing of tax season- putting in at least 12 hour days. Not unusual for him to be to work by 4 a.m. Then he comes home and pitches in wherever needed. I know he's so tired, but is always so much help to me. We had our sweet little boy (more in next post), I'm recovering from a C-section, we're getting through Rylee's last treatment and trying to gear up for her next one Monday morning. Also dealing with her barely there hair. Seems to be thinning more & more this week. And Jace is trying to adjust to all that's been going on. He's been a little irritated with our "neediness" and wondering what happened to our nice little life.

I would not have survived this week without our family. Especially my mom- she's been here every day and has had her hands full with our laundry, kids, cleaning, etc. Each one of my sisters have been here at least one day and Justin's mom took her day off, even with a boot on her foot from a recent foot surgery. They have all helped out so much. Not to mention ward members who provided meals every day this week. We got soup 4 out of the 5 nights. I'm not complaining, it was all really good, but just kind of funny. And we didn't get the same kind twice. We got stew, taco soup, a chicken/pasta soup, potato soup and then chicken enchiladas. So nice to not have to worry about dinner.

So this is how our past week went:

Monday, Feb. 16- Cleaned and did laundry like crazy. Went visiting teaching. Tried to get ready for the week.

Tuesday, Feb. 17- Rylee's treatment. She had a harder time bouncing back from this one. Held her most the night.

Wednesday, Feb. 18- Had a last Dr.'s appointment for me, went and pre-registered/admitted at the hospital, relaxed that night with the kids.

Thursday, Feb. 19- Had to be to the hospital by 6:30 a.m., scheduled for a 7:30 C-section. Baby boy Taylor born at 8:08 a.m..

Friday, Feb.20- Sunday, Feb. 22- Still at hospital, laying in bed with leg compressors one. Trying to heal and take it easy. Didn't know what to do with myself all day long, besides enjoy our new little addition. Not used to so much down time.

Sunday, Feb. 22- Finally able to get released about 3 p.m. after some complications with baby (more in other post). Rylee got sick this night and Justin & my dad had to take her to the E.R. They put some antibiotic through her line.

Monday, Feb. 23- Had to take baby to pediatrician to get checked out again from complication. Then later, had to take Rylee to her Oncologist for some more antibiotic/check up.

Tuesday, Feb. 24- My C-section incision starts to bleed. My mom took me to the Dr., I get an antibiotic for an infection that was starting. Ahhhh! I overheard the nurse from the hallway say, "this is her 3rd C-section, she ought to know better." (I wish she knew my situation- kind of hard to take it easy considering all that is happening. It started to bleed when I was rocking Rylee to sleep for her nap & I'm not supposed to lift over the baby weight.) Whatever!

Wednesday, Feb. 25-Sunday- Things are starting to look up. Rylee feels better, I'm feeling better, spent some time visiting, resting, enjoying that my laundry is done and house is clean and that I don't have to worry about it.

Now...if we can just get through next week, which will be equally exhausting! 4 day treatments for Rylee for the next two weeks, my Dr.'s check up, baby's PKU and Dr. check up, preschool, speech, Relief Society B-day party. April is going to feel nice! (Knock on wood)

Cherishing This....

Lately, I've just been loving all of Jace's drawings and how good he's getting at writing his name and stuff. He's really been into getting a notebook and writing different things. I love to discover all of his new art and the new things he's learning about.

He's very careful when he colors to stay in the lines because it's kindof a big deal at preschool if you "scribble". Needless to say, he's a good colorer. I also love the way he draws people. I have a ton of pictures similar to this one that he draws. I'll have to take a picture of the one he drew at church on Sunday because it included our baby brother and was so cute of our whole family. Sometimes kids just catch you off guard. He wasn't really into drawing or working on letters or anything for a really long time & this year he found interest. I love that you can pretty well tell what it is too. You know those early pictures when you're like, "oh, that's a nice.....(whatever it's supposed to be)"

Also cherishing my "two". Am I the only one that gets sentimental about adding another to the mix? I remember feeling the same way before Rylee was born- just the feeling of going to miss the "one". Then you get two and you can't imagine life without them, etc.

Jace & Rylee really have a special bond. Jace always calls her his little sweetheart and it's just so cute when they look out for each other, give each other hugs and kisses and miss each other when they're apart. They love to snuggle on the couch and watch T.V. together in the mornings and they have fun together.

She's like his little mother hen. If Jace stands up on the chairs or something Rylee will say, "No, no, no" or she'll have these little yelling sprees at him-it's so funny. She calls him "ba", I think for brother? Jace on the other hand, is very protective of Rylee. He gets the "big eyes" if we're around someone with a bad cough or something because he's aware of the germs and wants to protect Rylee from getting sick. If she's playing with cousins or someone, Jace always volunteers to go & play with them and he really looks after her (he doesn't want anyone to break her central line again). It is the sweetest thing each night as he says his prayers. He always blesses Rylee that her Leukemia will go away and that she'll get better.

We really couldn't of asked for a better boy than Jace- he's a great big brother!

We really do have good kids.

January Wrap Up

January! I can't believe it's already gone. Here's a little blurb about our January memories.

Jace & Justin had a little father/son camp out in the living room. Jace got a new Spiderman sleeping bag for Christmas, so they had to break it in. Only boys were allowed- they watched a movie, ate snacks (Jace got them all ready-crackers and a juice box) and snuggled up next to the fireplace. They had a great time.

One of the funniest things that happened was the next morning when we were cleaning things up. We've had Rylee's kitchen set out in the kitchen, so the play food is often scattered about. While picking things up, I noticed one of the play hot dogs under the couch, so me, trying to be funny, said, "Hey there's a weenie under the couch, did anyone loose one?" Jace takes a quick look down his pants and says, "no...I didn't, did you dad?" Classic.

We celebrated Justin's 29th birthday on Jan. 14. The kids would hardly let him in the door before having him open his present. He got some basketball socks, a new jacket and some fleece lounge pants. (Amongst other things that he returned-classic Justin). We had celebrated with cake and ice cream the Sunday before with my family. The night of his b-day, him & I went on a little date, well, if you consider dropping our microwave off to get repaired and attending a free dinner put on by the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society a date. We also quickly strolled the mall and hit up Cold Stone-so it counts.

This month brought a little tear to Justin's eye as we said good bye to the old Acura. That oil leaking, 1988 luxury car with 319,000 miles, a rumbling muffler and bald back tire (did I mention the built-in car phone in the middle console?) was sold in one day on Craig's List. Oh yes, a pot smoking (or at least smelling) guy that works at Sears paid cash & off it went. Of course, as it rumbled out of the drive way, Jus says, "I should've asked more for it- it's hard to let a good car go."

Jace was a little disappointed- he always called it his dad's noisy car and decided it was his race car (after going to a demolition derby) and wanted us to hold onto it for him to drive when he got bigger. I think he'll thank us for it later. Every mile a memory with that car though- Justin has been driving it since his senior year in high school. He is now lucky enough to upgrade to my high school car-a 1996 Honda Accord. For the whole 10 miles to and from work he goes, I'd say it's just fine!

We've had a bit of sledding fun too (not me in my pregnant glory, but Jus & kids). We finally upgraded from the cookie sheet we used last year and actually bought a real sled. We've gone out to G&G Taylor's house a few time- you know, for the awesome slopes of Menan. Just kidding- they've had a lot of fun playing with their cousins and getting pulled by the snow machine out in those wide open spaces.

Rylee has absolutely LOVED going outside. She's like a scene out of the movie A Christmas Story, "I can't put my arms down." She wore this old snowsuit and boots that were passed down from one of my nephews and it's pretty much hilarious. Regardless, she loves walking around in the snow and being outdoors. I think she has a bit of cabin fever since we've kept her so isolated this winter. I'm so glad she's been feeling well enough to get out and about. We can hardly get her to come in and she just loves touching the snow with her hands.

And finally, we decided to take a spontaneous trip to Salt Lake a few weekends ago for a little furniture shopping and getaway. We stayed a night with my sister Allison & her husband, Thomas, and just shopped and came back the next day. Sometimes that's all you need. The kids liked to try out the new Suburb on a little road trip and I think we all just needed a fast break. Just for the record though, no furniture was bought. When you want it, you can't find it- go figure!

I'd say the kid's favorite part was riding the elevators at Macy's. They could have done that all day.

I'd Rather Take the Tram

Anyone else sick of the Cafe Rio post? I'm over it. I've been getting a lot of texts, emails and phone calls, so I figured I better give everyone an update. No...I haven't had the baby yet & I'll try to get around to returning calls, etc. later this week.

Ahhh....what a crazy week it's been! Last week was kind of the calm before the storm and this week.....well, the storm has now hit. On January 19, Rylee finished up her consolidation phase, which lasted through December and January. So, we got her new "road map" (a.k.a. treatment plan) at the end of January and had about a week and a half of some down time to gear up for the last (and final) phase before she hits "maintenance" (another phase that will last for almost 2 years).

To compare going through a trial to climbing a mountain is so unoriginal, but it really is a good analogy. We've been on this hike & it's had some harder points and easier points, a few switch-backs and many calluses, but the view has changed us and the help up has been incredible. As we go along, we're getting the hang of things, it's not feeling as challenging, we're just walking along, trying to enjoy things regardless, but ready to get to the top. At points you get tired, you want to give up, quit, but we've made it this far and we know that it will feel great at the end, so we keep climbing. We know that it will feel like victory when it's over, feel as if we've succeeded, we'll feel blessed, relieved, inspired. You know, all the things that the view from the top holds in store.

However, as I was trying to gear up for this week, I honestly just wished that I could take the tram. You know, the easy way up. I always get a little apprehensive when we switch from one phase to the next, not knowing how Rylee will respond/react. I worry for her, my heart breaks that this is her reality. I wish she didn't have to go through all of it. This last phase is called "Delayed Intensification", basically because it's a very intense hit right at the end. They told us about this phase at the beginning and described it as the "one, two punch." Just when you're feeling pretty good about things, this last phase kind of comes in and knocks you down.

And so...we're here. On the uphill climb once again. There are a combination of things that make this phase difficult. (Besides being in the heat of tax season and trying to prepare for another child plus a c-section recovery). There is just a lot more going on and it's very reminiscent of our first initial month after diagnosis. She gets a bunch of different kinds of chemo & gets it more often.

She started things on Monday. We had a nice long 6 hour day, which included a spinal tap and 2 hits of chemo through her line. Not to mention some Benadryl for a nasty rash that her dressing is causing her. We've had to change her dressing nearly every day, because her skin is so irritated, she'll pull them off. I don't blame her. She also started back on the steroids 2 times/day and we'll be back at the Dr. tomorrow for a PEG (chemo) shot given into her thigh. Poor thing. She had to get this shot at the first as well and it contributed to Rylee's regression with walking when we first got home. I hope that she'll do okay.

The new chemo they're incorporating this month is called Doxorubicin. It's had me pretty worried because they've said it's pretty harsh. It had to be given very carefully and it has weird side effects like pinkish/red urine, kind of a purply look around her eyes plus mouth sores and the Dr. is pretty sure this bad boy will take the rest of her hair. I had a pretty good break down Sunday night trying to prepare for it all. She isn't feeling great & has been pretty mopey the last few days, but will still play off and on. She has to get it 2 more times though this month and often side effects won't kick in for 3-7 days after the chemo is given. She's already gotten one mouth sore and the urine stuff has already passed. We have to wear gloves when changing her diaper for 24-48 hours after chemo is given because it comes out through the urine. I especially have to be careful since I'm pregnant- just an added component to it all. But, we're past that now. Her hair has thinned a bit more in the last few days. It makes me sad.

After tomorrow, she'll get treatment for the next two Monday's- just the chemo, not spinal taps. She'll get to go off the steroids next week, but will start up again the following week. This will all wrap up Feb. 17 (steroids will continue the entire week). We'll then have a two day breather, and baby brother is scheduled to be born Feb. 19. I'll probably have a 3-4 day stay in the hospital, come home and try to heal for a week and then we'll jump back into it all March 2.

On March 2, everything gets scrambled once again. Another spinal tap, 2 new chemo drugs and a new oral medication (given at home for about half the month). One of the new chemo drugs will take 1 hour to administer. That is longer and way bigger dosage than Rylee has ever had. The other chemo drug doesn't take that long to administer, but she has to get it every single day for 4 consecutive days, take a 4 day break, then go back and get it for another 4 consecutive days. Cancer treatment really is no fun.

This makes me tired just thinking about it. I'm sure you all understand why I'd rather take the tram. I can't even picture adding a nursing newborn, crazy hormones and all the other post pardom stuff into this whole scenario. My life has NEVER been crazier. Pray that a tram might come our way. We'll desperately need the view from the top!

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So... besides coping with cancer, this week has been full of driving carpool, taking Jace to speech, my Dr. appointment, hosting an enrichment activity at my house tonight, been trying to organize/delegate stuff for the Relief Society Birthday Dinner that will happen on March 5, which basically won't happen if I don't figure it out now. I'm putting together a slide show presentation for it & I've got to wrap it up by Sunday or else it's not going to happen either. I'm just so thankful that I have a committee and that everyone is so willing to share the load and carry this out for me. And, of course, we're trying to get used to Justin's earlier, longer plus Saturday hours. I've got some funner stuff to post about the better things in January...but we've got to be at speech by 8:45 tomorrow morning, followed by preschool, followed by Rylee's Dr. appointment, so I'll do it another day. Enough for tonight.