Church Bag

Rylee packed her own bag for church today.

When we got there, this is what we discovered:

A doll bottle, old cell phone, 2 of Jaden's brushes, a play coin, my necklace and 4 foot/heel scratchers.

Atleast she brought all the essentials.

Soccer Mom!

It's true, I'm officially a soccer mom! Besides the fact that I drive a suburban and live in Rexburg, Jace started his first organized team sport last week. His team is the Burton Bulldogs! He loves getting all geared up (shin guards, socks, reversible soccer shirt). He's a little nervous to get in there and get the ball- he said it's too crowded because all of the kids are trying to kick the ball at the same time. Yep- sounds like soccer to me. I think he'll do great once he gets the hang of it. Never mind Justin's "constructive criticism" on the sidelines- I think he forgot it was Jace's first time playing soccer. I don't even want to imagine what it will be like when/if Jace plays H.S. basketball. I'm seeing a lot of "pep" talks in our future.

Just go have fun! Only advice a mother (who is terrible at sports) would say.

Conflicted

This isn't the best picture of Rylee, kind of a fake smile going on, but that's beside the point. As I was flipping through recent pictures, this one caught my eye. I was like, "Oh my gosh, Rylee had hair-like pony tail hair." It might sound weird, but at times I forget what it was even like. What she looked like with it, how it was to fix it, etc. This picture was taken only 4 months ago.

At the first of July, Rylee had treatment, along with her every 3 month spinal tap and the same type of thing hit me, "Rylee has cancer." Like her hair, sometimes I forget what we're dealing with. Funny how your new normal sets in and stuff hardly phases you anymore. Do they call that resilience?

I've talked before about our sometimes bizarre reality, but from time to time, I'm reminded of it again. Like when a nurse or someone is asking us the typical health history questions: has she had trouble with XXX, history of ear infection or whatever. The answer to most questions is no, yet she's got the mother of all diseases: Cancer. The last question is always something along the lines of "So..would you say that she is overall a healthy child?" Um...yeah, if you don't count the cancer?!?

None of the above:
Another instance, along the same lines is one I faced with her Dr. this month. Rylee has to take an anti-pneumonia medication and we've tried a couple of things. Her Dr. was asking me which one we wanted to do. Here were my choices.

1) Septra- Oral at-home med. Taken 2 times/day, twice each week about 4 mls. (Rylee started out on this, then it caused her to have terrible body rashes all over her arms, chest, down to her leg- it itched her to death and she was miserable, so we discontinued use. Why deal with a body rash when you're already dealing with cancer?).

2) An IV med that gets pumped through her line once a month. (Sounds simple enough. We went to this option for the past few months- the trouble is, besides the fact that it is very expensive, it takes about an hour for them to get the med ready, another hour to pump it through and Rylee hates to stay hooked up to stuff. It always ends up turning our already 5-6 hour treatment day even longer and let's remember that she's only 2. She wants to be out doing kid stuff just as much as the next kid. And.... as a parent, I have 2 other children and other responsibilities. The longer I spend at the Dr., the less time I have for them.)

3) Dapsone- Oral at-home med. This one you take only once/week but it's 15 mls. each dose (that a fat syringe and a half people!) Oh, and the side effect is that it could turn her blue- it has something to do with the way it effects the oxygen in your body. Great. Sign me up.

So, since we already know #1 is not an option, I didn't feel like staying another 2 hrs. at the Drs. office (we had started our morning at 6:30 a.m to the hospital for spinal tap, stayed there until 10 a.m., had office visit and chemo at 10:30 (but waited nearly an hour in the waiting room), after that got over it was already 1 p.m. and we needed to call it a day- the kid needs lunch and a nap).

I picked #3. I'll let you know if we end up with a little smurf.

I wish there was a #4 that was none of the above instead.

Speaking of which..... there is nothing worse than sending your 2 year old off alone with a complete stranger (nurse) back to a bright, cold operating room where everyone in the room is masked and wearing funny blue scrubs and caps. She must be terrified. Talk about out of your comfort zone.

She's crying and looking back for you to save her....and you can't.

I felt very conflicted this month at treatment. I cannot believe at times what we're giving consent to do. If you read through the list of possible side effects for the drugs they put inside of her, you'd understand the conflict. Yet.. .in the end, what other choice do we honestly have? Even if we wanted to decline treatment, we really wouldn't have a choice. We'd be taken to court and the court would order us to have this done. It's a conflicting feeling considering the magnitude of the decisions we make every.single.day.

How could I ever possibly forget this battle we're fighting?

Conflicted. Good news is that we are down to only 5 more spinal taps and 17 more hits of chemo.

Being a Yes Mom

So awhile ago (remember I fell off the blog wagon), I came across an excerpt from something Marjorie Hinckley wrote about in the book "Small and Simple Things." I had heard it before, but had forgotten about it. She said:

"My mother taught me some basic philosophies of rearing children. One is that you have to trust them. I tried hard never to say "no" if I could possibly say "yes". I think that worked well because it gave my children the feeling that I trusted them and they were responsible to do the best they could."

I had started to feel more than a "no" mom than a "yes" mom. There were times with Rylee's condition that we couldn't allow our kids to do certain things- trying to protect her from getting sick. Then I realized that we already have so many limitations on us, why make such a big deal over things that don't really matter one way or another. So I decided to give it a try. It's certainly easier to say no sometimes, but why not let the kids live a little? Why get hung up on letting your kids be kids? Dirt washes off, play dough does too, finger paints as well and all the other little things kids love to pull out. There are more important things in life than creating a mess- like letting your kids make good childhood memories.

Here are some of our Yes moments:

"Mom, can we go play outside in the rain?"

Mom: "Yes! Just wear your coats, hat and boots."

(Still cold in April, which inspired me to get them some cute rain boots for Easter)

Can we build a fort/house/cave with the cushions off the couch?"

Mom: "Sure!"

"Could we play in the pantry and pretend that it's our car or get a flashlight and pretend that it's a tent?" ( and eat all the snacks while we're inside?)

Mom: "That would be fine."

"Mom, we're basically going to haul everything out of our rooms and make a store in the entry way, is that okay?" (Not in those exact words but, this picture shows just the beginning)

"I guess, if you'll help pick it all up when you're finished playing (which didn't happen). I was thinking, hopefully no one will stop by in the mean time, but if they do, invite them to your kid's store."

{Those that matter won't mind and those that mind, don't matter.}

I love Rylee with her purse in front of her cart in the top picture. And here's Jace (of course he was the store clerk- always is, he's oldest), scanning in all the items that I purchased. You know, playing with them is always part of the deal or at least becomes part of the deal. It's part of being a yes mom:)

So....I'm working on it....although there are still things that I'm mostly a "no" mom on, like having a million fruit snacks/treats in one day, staying up way past bedtime or watching TV all day long (well, that probably has happened). You've gotta draw the line somewhere right? (so what if it's after the 5th in a row episode of The Suite Life- that thing is on all day).

Say Yes to something today!

Life is too short.

Back to Blogging: Memorial Day Rewind

Wow! Where did June go?

In an attempt to jump back on the blog bandwagon, I decided to post a few pictures from our fun Memorial Day weekend (Yes, that was in May and it's now July). We hung out with my family and carried on our usual tradition- visit the cemetery, watch the gun ceremony and have a memorial day breakfast at my parents.

Here is my family(minus Hollie) by my dad's parents head stone

(Allison, Don (dad), Delain (mom), Stacey, Jennifer, Me, Kristie, Greg)

And most of the 19 Price grandkids (minus Hollie's 4) by my mom's parents grave.

We added a bunch of other fun stuff in as well throughout the weekend. As usual, the kids had lots of fun and made good memories with their cousins. I love coming from a big family- always makes for fun get-together's.

Gotta love the fire pit- Smores are always a favorite!

(Jace with cousins, McKell, Payton and Raegan)

Lots of roasting, chit chatting and laughs.

Good Times!

Rylee loves motorbike rides.

{Too bad we don't all feel that way anymore. I think this was the one my dad wrecked on. He had bought them brand new on a Friday and wrecked on it less than a week later.}

Hot Tub Fun!

And not so fun hot tub watching for Rylee. Poor thing.

She still had her bandages on from her port surgery, so I didn't want her to get in yet.

Last thing we need is a hot tub-caused infection into fresh wounds.

But wading her feet made her happy.

Simple pleasures- don't take them for granted.

And of course, endless Guitar Hero or Rock Band or whatever the heck it's called.
(Tasha on drums, Thomas on vocals, Braxton on guitar, David on guitar)

About my dad....

It's only been a month and yet, never ceases to amaze me how much can happen in just a few weeks. Lately, our lives have been consumed with:

1. My dad's accident
2. Unexpected hospitalization for Rylee
3. Friends/couples get-away to Lake Powell

The drama of #2 and the desperately needed #3 will be addressed in a later blog. But, since my sister already typed most of this up, I thought it was easy enough to tell about #1, I guess in honor of Father's Day. What a year. Seriously!

Here are some details on my dad's conditions and what's gone on this past month.

My dad was in an induced coma for a week after the accident to help expediate the healing of his ribs so he could start breathing on his own. They kept him in intensive care for 10 days and then moved him to the recovery floor for 3 or 4 days, where they kept him extremely and sometimes comically medicated. Can you say hallucinations? You wouldn't believe some of the stuff he was saying- it made me uncomfortable to see him like that.

My dad was released from the hospital on Tuesday, June 9th. Since then, my mom has become his full time nurse- helping him with everything from eating, getting up, bathroom, etc. His right hand is broken and has pins in it and his left side is practically debilitated right now with all the pain. He will be going to lots of therapy for his hand, is still a little beat up on his face- but got most of his stitches out, and his left side is painfully sore(with 7 broken ribs and a broken scapula) . He can get up and down really slowly and has been glad to be at home. He is still weak, but improving everyday. It's a miracle that he is still alive and still has full use of his brain and all his organs.

It has been difficult to see him in so much pain and hard to watch him endure this trial. It is hard to watch your parents suffer. He has said that this is the most difficult thing he has ever had to overcome and has been humbling to become so dependent. I have never seen my dad in a condition even close to what he's in right now and he's been through some crap in his day. A few years ago (the night Jus & I got engaged to be exact), he was in a farm accident where a jack slipped and a loader fell on his hand, cutting the tips off of two of his fingers. It was like, he went to the hospital, got stitched up, came home, put a grocery bag over his bandaged hand (minus two finger tips) and went out to work. Never missed a beat- never dwelled on it, never felt sorry for himself, never let it hold him back. This accident has come with a lot more suffering and he won't be out of the woods for awhile. It will at least be another couple of months until the ribs are just a little healed. He's got a long road ahead.

We, as a family, have so much appreciated everyone's thoughts, prayers, cards, gifts, food and phone calls from our neighbors, community and friends. Thanks to each one of you who has been so caring and considerate of all of us! We're once again reminded of our blessings, despite the trial. It really could have been so much worse.

A lot to say for May

AHHH! Life never slows down. I feel like I have so much to do on any given day. I can't even get to what has to be done, let alone what I want to get done. I'm sure many of you can relate.

So....May came and went. Proved to be another crazy month. Here's an attempt to keep our life up-to-date.

{P.S. I had a quarterly enrichment meeting tonight and had a sister tell me that she never gets a chance to talk to me because I'm always running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. Should I have said thanks? Certainly how I feel almost 100% of the time.}

Rylee's Surgery: {May 15}

Rylee's surgery to replace her central line with a port went well. This is her playing in the waiting room before it happened. I really like having a children's hospital fairly close by. They have so many things for the kids to play and do while you wait, which we did a lot of. Initially she was scheduled for 7:30 am. I always prefer being first case- makes it much easier with the no eating or drinking thing. Plus...if you're not, you always get pushed back, which is what happened. 7:30 turned to 9:15, turned to 10:45, turned to 12:15 and finally at 12:30 she was taken back. Such is life.

The port was placed on her left chest. She'll have about a 1 inch scar from the incision. They also stitched up the hole that the line came out of, which will leave a mark as well. Battle wounds I guess. She did run a fever most of the day after surgery and it made us nervous for a little while, but we were able to get it down with Tylenol and dodged having to go to the ER. Things healed up pretty good and she had her first treatment with the port on Tuesday. I was a little anxious about how treatment would go with the new mechanism, but it was actually fine. We put some numbing cream on her before we go so she doesn't feel the poke. She was a little restless and it was different then what she's used to but her appointment was right during her nap and this week she's on steroids, so it always throws her a little off. She tends to get much more agitated, emotional and aggressive on steroids.

On our way out of Primary's, the kids threw a pennie in the fountain for good luck. I'm hoping that things continue to go well with the port. Hopefully Rylee will only have to endure one more surgery- when we're done with all of this & she gets to have the port removed!

In other Rylee news- Last Sunday we were part of the PCMC Telethon and had a short 3 minute interview. They showed some pictures of Rylee at the hospital and I told them our story and such. It went by really quick and ended when Rylee got a little restless at the end (or feisty as the newscaster declared). We got a free T-Shirt and snacks for our gig.

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Jace's Preschool Graduation: {May 21}

It seems just like yesterday that I sent Jace out the door for his first day of preschool and now he's a preschool graduate. It has been so fun for Jace to be part of Discovery Preschool. He has met friends, made projects, went on field trips and has learned so much.

He did preschool with 3 other kids from our neighborhood and they had so much fun with their little carpool. It's pure entertainment being the driver- hearing them talk about all that is important in the life of 4 year olds.

Jace had a few parts in his program. He had to tell a joke, say a few words in Portuguese and thank everyone for coming and invite them to get a refreshment at the end. Then the whole class recited poems, sang songs, did the pledge and showed off some other fun stuff from Preschool.

Jace has grown up a ton this year. He is so responsible and makes a good big brother. He's concerned about keeping the rules and wants to make sure that others do the same. When I'd drive carpool, one of the kids put their feet on our car seats and Jace got right after them. He's all--"My dad doesn't like it when you put your feet on the seats because it gets them all dirty." He told another friend that his dad doesn't like it when you eat treats out of the treat bucket. Jus told Jace that he's giving his dad a bad wrap with his friends.

Here's Jace with our carpool group- 3 of his best buddies (Cannon, David and Halli Jo). They had 10 kids total in their class and his teacher was Mrs. Broadhead. I'm so glad that Jace had the opportunity to have something of his own this year. He always looked forward to going to school and it was a great support system and distraction for him in the midst of everything else that was going on.

We still haven't made a final decision about whether or not to send Jace to Kindergarten in the fall or wait another year. He did really well on the Kindergarten screening and his preschool teacher thinks he's ready, but...we're still wondering about being the youngest boy thing and stuff like that. What to do?

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Jaden- 3 Months in May

Our little bear turned another month older. This month brought a lot of milestones and a little bit more peace for mom. I think we've finally got him to a pretty content stage (knock on wood). He still has episodes every now and again and he's still a spitter-upper, but he'll be content for longer periods of time now.

In May, Jaden started smiling, laughing out loud and can roll from his tummy to his back (happens a lot during naps). He has also rolled from his back to his tummy, but it was when he was steaming mad at something. I've seen him do it a couple of times.

He likes it when people talk to him and he'll coo and blow bubbles back. He loves to be held and likes it when you blow on his face or tickle his upper thighs. He's ticklish on his thighs and below his chin on his chest. He likes to be raised in the air up and down. Loves to kick around in the bath. He's been trying out his swing, duck bouncer, Sesame Street play mobil and Bumbo seat. He likes to lay on the floor and kick around or lay on his stomach and raise himself up with his arms. He's a strong little guy.

He still continues to get mauled every day. The other kids just can't get enough of him. He got to venture out to Bear World with us this month and also had his first night apart from us- my mom watched him when we took Rylee down for her surgery and he did great.

He's growing every day. Funny how fast it goes by.

Other May news:

~Jus & I celebrated our 7 year anniversary on May 24

~My dad got in a motorcycle accident on May 27

~Enjoyed a fun Memorial Day weekend with my family {more to come later}

Goodbye May 2009....Bring on June